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A seasonal request for a little bit of neatness

This is something I do at the start of each season, it never seems to work but I will continue to try. Referees and their teamsheets.

A couple of seasons back I had particular difficulty in reading the team card. It was quite a bad one. I asked the offender if he could furnish me with the names of numbers 7 and 13 on his team. 'Who's askin'? Was his unfriendly retort.

'The Herald', I replied whilst thinking 'bangers' judging by the hostile tone of his voice. 'What does it look like to you?' he wasn't warming towards me at all. 'Well to tell you the truth,' I said, 'number 7 looks like Searusk Horticulturen and 13 Gobdaw Dripclott.' I have to say that I was being a bit smart here.

'Seamus Harrington and Gordon Driscoll,' he scoffed. 'Is it Driscoll or O'Driscoll?' I asked. He found out it was O'Driscoll. Then I attempted to lighten matters by saying 'I bet Brian O'Driscoll wishes his dad had called him Gordon.'

'Why?' said he with no expression change. 'Because his nickname is BOD but if his name was Gordon,' and then I thought 'oh what the hell,' and walked away.

FC Town are always a doddle. A geansai-load of Collins' a gaggle of McDonaghs, a few McDonnells and the lonesome boatmen Gallagher and Rattigan, easy peasy!

Anyway folks it says USE BLOCK CAPITALS at the top of the card, please it would make it easier for everybody.

Go easy on endangered species called the referee

Now the referees, well it's probably the only league where the players call the referees by their first names. So familiar are they to us all. Charlie, Dano, Emmo, Mick, Joe, Shah, John, Gay and the rest.

Yet we continue to give them verbal. Go easy lads, it happened again last week, not bad, but it still happened. They don't like taking out cards, but they have to if you misbehave and the worst form of misbehaviour is the abuse of the officials as far as I'm concerned.

Joe McDonnell is particularly 'sensitive'! Sure the ground shudders when he lets out a GERROUROFIT, but he really is a sensitive chaps, so take it easy lads, that's all I'm saying.

Speaking of officials I have to congratulate Brendan Emerson on an excellent decision from the sideline. One of those where a player is coming out from an offside position but the player that recieves the ball is on.

By the way lads (referees that is) you have a meeting tonight at headquarters. I'm sure you all know , a reminder just in case.

Brendan correctly kept the flag down in a split-second situation - great decision Brendan. Perhaps, who knows? He didn't see the player in the offside position in the first place. Either way it was a great decision.

Pro Italia quick off the mark with coverage request

I had a text from Michael during the week. Michael is with Pro Italia who lost by a single goal from a Mr. Flynn of Ramble Inn last week. He asked if we could attend yesterday's game against Vianney.

Unfortunately Vianney were our featured game last week, but we will be out to see them soon.

My sources inform me that they have a few new players and are looking decent.

So sorry Michael, but, as I have already said, we will be seeing you soon.

dermot clarke