herald

Sunday 17 December 2017

When will celebrities learn, we just don't care about their baby books?

I'm not a bit surprised that Tess Daly (wife of extra-marital texter Vernon Kay) had such a disappointing turnout for her recent book signing in Eason's. Her new tome, which features in gruesome detail all the information nobody could possibly want to know about her pregnancy, is the latest in an alarming number of How To Have A Baby books written by alleged celebs.

No more than 30 people turned up to have their copy of her musings signed in Dublin, which might perhaps suggest that we are perfectly capable of going about having our own babies without a TV presenter showing us her experience, complete with scan photos.

I can't remember wanting to show anyone my baby scan -- except the person who had helped create the baby: it was a blob on a bit of shiny paper, indistinguishable from anybody else's blob.

Why Ms Daly believes we want to see hers in print is beyond me but, hey-ho, who knows what's in the mind of a publisher eager to cash in on perfectly ordinary life events undertaken by famous people?

Denise Van Outen's outing as a new mother has also been penned, even though the baby hasn't even been born, as indeed has Myleene Klass's, who went a step further and launched an entire range of baby clothes. No, no, I'm wrong. Denise (pictured) promises us "loads of sensible advice" in the forthcoming book, which clearly doesn't include advising herself sensibly to just concentrate on having the baby.

Having a child is a miraculous event and woe betide anyone who would suggest that every baby isn't the cutest bundle of joy ever, but, really, there are no ends to which new mothers will go to 'help' prepare them for the unique event that only, oh, billions of other women have experienced.

They'll buy books on nutrition, diet, clothing, CDs of whale music, special pillows, organic food; and they'll devour the labour stories of women whose birthing experiences they believe will mirror theirs because they're on the telly.

In fact, as any mother will tell you, going with the flow and doing what feels right for you is really and truly the only way to have a baby.

There isn't a shred of advice that a famous mother can give you that a perfectly ordinary one can't.

Listen, there's a reason the same celebrities don't write a book about the next 18 years after the delivery: it's because they've realised that they don't have any of the answers.

- SINEAD RYAN

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