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When Jesus took me to the top of the world

THERE'S a new man in my life and he is undeniably hot. Sadly he is not at all romantic, though. He will never send me flowers or whisper sweet nothings in my ear. And something he will never ever do is buy me wine or boxes of chocolate. You see, this super duper hot specimen is my new personal trainer. I have paid him to whip me into shape and that's exactly what he intends to do.

I know lots of people join the gym in January but I'm not a huge fan of gyms because I get bored. Anyway, it's a bit pointless driving to the gym to run on the spot for 40 minutes and then drive home again. I need the fresh air and I want to be outdoors.


I'm in Spain at the moment learning Spanish with my little son. I hope to make him bilingual so that when he grows up, if he isn't academic like his mum, at least he'll have a second language. And besides, learning a new language was one of my New Year's resolutions. I'm determined that next time I go on holidays I'll be able to say more than "un vino blanco, por favor".

So the weather is lovely and sunny. No time like the present to try and get my bikini body back. So, last week, the personal trainer arrived at our new Spanish home and when I opened the front door I was greeted by over 6ft of pure dark, handsome hotness.

I wasn't sure how we were going to start off but I thought we might begin with a gentle stroll. How wrong was I? Jesus (yes, I'm not joking) took me to the bottom of the steepest mountain I've ever seen in my life.

"Today we climb this," he said pleasantly.

I honestly thought he was joking. I laughed. He didn't. "Let's go," he said.

Now I consider myself fit enough anyway. I play team tennis and go for a leisurely jog at least once a week. But I was feeling dizzy even looking at the mountain, never mind climbing it!


After about five minutes I thought I was going to die. Oh Jesus. "Jesus? I can't do this. I need water."

Jesus had water. He gave it to me and then said. "Can we go on?"

What had I signed myself up for? Was I seriously paying him to torture me. He stared at me with his beautiful blue eyes. "You can do it."

"I can't." "You can. One step at a time."

And then I thought about it. I write books. I don't sit down and write one straight away. I write them word by word, sentence by sentence, chapter my chapter, until I reach the end. Then I'm always very pleased with the results. Maybe I could do this one step at a time.

"I cycle this mountain three times a day up and down," Jesus told me solemnly. "I do it in less than an hour."

And I believed him. So I did it. I walked to the very top of that mountain. And I did it again the next day.

By the third day I was really looking forward to it. Now I feel I'm on top of the world.