What's better than watching stars out-pose each other at the Oscars?
I'm getting festival fit for my favourite Oscars sport this Sunday - watching the stars trying to out-pose each other on the red carpet.
It's like A-listers are afraid of catching a dose of understatement, like they thought there was a gong for 'best desperation for publicity'.
I'm assuming that everything is excruciatingly choreographed for Tinsletown's biggest night. You never see famous exes (cough, Brad and Jen) run into each other.
Never. It's like the limos are doing laps of the venue until any potential misadventures on the red carpet clear. I found out recently that in a town overflowing with free bars and endless free booty, they actually charge at the bar in the Academy Awards. Light snacks are available too, though presumably committing carbicide is a diet transgression too far if you're a nominee.
There are seat fillers too, you know - for when someone leaves after winning, or more likely leaves after not winning.
I would love another John Travolta moment at Sunday's show. Though it's hard to imagine that anyone would mangle anything as badly as Travolta. His attempt at pronouncing Idina Menzel was so hamfisted it triggered a slew of online name generators into which you could pop your name to see what it would sound like if the Grease star tried to pronounce it. There's Irish interest, too, of course. The film Song of the Sea, from Kilkenny-based animators Cartoon Saloon, is nominated for an Oscar.
It tells the story of Ben and his little sister, Saoirse - the last Seal-child - who embark on a fantastic journey in a bid to return to their home by the sea.
There's nominees, awards and egos and a couple of Irish lads thrilled to be there.
It's the Oscars.
What could possibly go wrong?