Savage i: If my name was Weiner, I'd keep it in my pants
ITS BEEN a very bad week for Barack Obama's Weiner.
Obama's Weiner (or Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner as he is better known) was in a secret 'sext'-ually active relationship with a young woman. She's in her twenties, he's in his forties.
He attempted to text her a picture of himself to bring their relationship even closer (nothing says 'I respect you' like a picture of one's own crotch). Unfortunately, instead of texting it, he posted it to Twitter. And instantly, Weiner's weiner winged its way across the world wide web.
Congressman Weiner reacted the way any dignified public representative would; he denied that it was his groin. "I've been hacked!" he declared. The thing is, when a US congressman's personal Twitter account is hacked, it's kind of a big deal. The FBI get very touchy and they do the obvious thing; they offer to investigate. Weiner was against the idea. He told them not to worry about it. Which made everyone very suspicious.
For most people, third-party crotch shots being fired from your Twitter account would be annoying.
If Ryan Tubridy, for instance, was half-way through a tweet about JFK when suddenly a groin appeared, he'd be eager to find out who owned the offending genitalia.
But if you're a US congressman whose re-election depends on not looking like a sleazy scumbag, you'd be doubly eager to ask the FBI to do some tracing.
But Weiner didn't. He just tried to move on. So the massed forces of the world's media did the tracing instead.
Turns out he wasn't hacked. He's been 'sexting' six women on Twitter, text and Facebook.
He says he hasn't met any of them, but most of them have been given photos of him in various states of undress and arousal. His wife, we assume, is somewhat aggrieved.
Son, we need to have a talk
In all of this, there is one thing I don't get. If you were Mr Weiner senior, isn't there a conversation you'd have to have had with your son when he was about 13? Along the lines of "Son, we Weiners are a proud clan. But we carry a heavy burden. Our second name is a common euphemism for flute.
"So, when you grow up, feel free to kill, to steal, to lie and to cheat. But for the sake of the family, above all else, keep it in your pants."
The horrible billboard man
AT least Weiner is just a sleazy Muppet.
It could be a lot worse -- he could have been nasty, like Greg Fultz.
Fultz, who lives in New Mexico broke up with his last girlfriend about a year ago.
Then, this month, he rented a billboard with a picture of him holding the silhouette of a baby with the words "This would have been a picture of my two-month-old baby if the mother had decided to NOT KILL our child."
Makes Weiner seem so much more likable.
Talk economy down or up?
This Government's honeymoon is astonishing. This week the Minister for Finance criticised people for talking down the economy. Every time a Fianna Failer used to do that the opposition, the media and every economist with a keyboard and an internet connection would simultaneously crap out their kidneys with fury. Now a Fine Gaeler does it and we get acceptance. Brian Cowen must be spitting teeth.
Norris' 'brand' is so damaged
David Norris has found himself the victim of two terrible buzzwords -- 'Brand Association'.
Brand Association is what makes companies pay big money to be associated with people like Ray D'Arcy and Craig Doyle.
There's a belief that if you can get your windows or ice cream associated with popular people, they will become popular themselves.
In David's case he has become associated with something negative. And he's almost certain to suffer electorally as a result. He may well be right that he has been shafted. It may well be true that he was making an esoteric point which has been reduced past absurdity.
But nonetheless, associations, whether positive or negative, can be terribly hard to change.