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Sunday 10 December 2017

Michael O'Doherty: My advice for single 'stars' -- you'll never find love if you go around with your head up your own backside

A panel discussion on the Late Late Show dealt with the most wizened of old chestnuts -- the difficulty for men and women of a certain age to find love.

Four guests representing a cross-section of Irish singledom were chosen -- one, a female author who has written a book on the subject, and three vaguely familiar faces from our screens, all of whom find themselves, for one reason or another, without a partner.

Breffny 'The Breffmeister' Morgan, who stood out on this year's The Apprentice show, mainly due to his total belief in his own abilities or, to come at it from a different perspective, his utter lack of self-awareness, pondered on the shallowness of the social scene, the fact that he was "swimming in offers", and the difficulty he was experiencing in finding the true, meaningful love he craved.

Most Irish women were too drunk, too bitchy, and uninterested in the profound meeting of souls that Breffny was obviously seeking.



BEMOANED

Jason O'Callaghan, one time social columnist turned wedding singer, bemoaned the fact that Irish women drink too much.

What teetotal Jason lacks in alcoholic intake, however, he certainly makes up for in calorie-intake elsewhere, with his portly countenance providing the worst-ever advertisement for abstaining from drink.

Alcohol again was the problem for Jason, whose cosmopolitan life has opened up his eyes to foreign women, their sophistication and fondness for espressos grabbing Jason's fancy much more than do their vodka and Red Bull-sodden Irish counterparts.

And I'm sure the feeling is mutual...

But it was Nuala Carey, the weather presenter on RTE, who tugged at our heartstrings most, revealing that she had just broken up with a man because he couldn't deal with her public persona.

Nuala's job, you see, is so high profile that some men just don't seem able to deal with being romantically involved with her.

So the deal-breaker for Nuala is a man who can handle her fame.

That's right guys, if you want to go out with Nuala, you're going to have to be cool with gorgeous men coming up to her incessantly, saying "aren't you that bird off Ireland AM?

"Oh...well, you're on Xpose, aren't you?

"No? Damn it, remind me again who you are..."

Though their explanations as to why they can't find love varied, they were united by the one common failing, which none of them seemed to spot.

They were all full of themselves.

It's not about drink.

It's not about looking for a one-night stand.

And it's not about fame.

The reason you're single, guys, is because you all have your heads up your own bottoms.

Which is not the right place to look for true love.

Eamon's haunting song of love and loss must be heard

Here's a rare thing -- sitting in the audience of Brendan O'Connor's chat show on Saturday night, I was moved.

His final guest, Eamon Keane, is a good friend of mine.

An award-winning presenter on Newstalk radio, he's also a bit of a dark horse, having hidden for years his other talent, that of a singer/ songwriter, which he unveiled to the Irish public that night.

Eamon, like many men, had a difficult relationship with his dad, and hardly spoke to him for the last year of his father's life.

Another good friend, John Ryan, who founded VIP magazine with me, had an almost identical experience.

Though John's relationship with his own father was even more strained than Eamon's, and spread out over a longer period of time, they bear remarkable similarities -- two intelligent, talented people, both struggling to cope with the memory of two intelligent, talented fathers, who perhaps died uncertain of how their sons felt about them.

Though John, I believe, is still troubled by the unfinished business with his father, Eamon has found a way through music to at least try and address the issue, and the song that he wrote about his father closed the show on Saturday night.

Called Hang The Moon, it's a beautiful, lyrical piece which expresses perfectly the pain of not telling someone you love them when they're alive, only to regret it when it's too late.

I urge you all to go out and buy it, download it, and spread the word, when it becomes available this Thursday.

And no, incredible as it may seem, there is nothing in it for me, except that its success will put a smile on the face of a good friend.

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