Thursday 18 July 2019

Michael O'Doherty: Caroline thought Jude was a waiter

Caroline Morahan shared another anecdote about her life among Hollywood's movers and shakers at the weekend, joking about how she mistook Jude Law for a waiter in a Chateau Marmont hotel she was visiting, simply because he was wearing a white shirt and black trousers.

Of course, it's an easy mistake to make. Apparently waiters in the same hotel mistook Caroline, was was dressed up to the nines in that celebrity hang-out, for a busy, successful actress... until they realised she was Caroline Morahan.

Waters wants his money back? As a licence payer, I want my cash returned

JOURNALIST, author and whinger John Waters has been regaling us with another of his landmark 'anti-establishment' stands against the capitalist forces of oppression -- ie car clampers and toll booths.

In the 183rd instalment of his ongoing battle, John described how he was forced to pay €2.70 for using a motorway, though a queue at the toll booth meant that he didn't actually save any time over using the untolled national road.

So, naturally, John wrote to the company and demanded his money back, but because they would only give him a voucher instead of a refund, he saw fit to publish their reply.

At the heart of his ludicrous complaint is his claim that only one booth was available to him, as he didn't have a pre-paid tag, or have the necessary exact change, to use one of the other empty lanes.

It's obviously a long time since John travelled by bus, as these same rules are now the norm on that form of transport, a fact which mysteriously doesn't prompt people to fill up acres of newsprint every Sunday.

While no amount of money is too small for Waters to get shirty, I wonder how much money was required to get him to take all his clothes off?

Because tomorrow night sees the first episode of RTE's new series, Naked, which finds three 'celebs' -- including John Waters -- having nude portraits made of themselves.

Masquerading as a profound analysis of our relationship with our own bodies, the horrific thought of John in the buff should provoke a Waters-like response from all its audience.

Every licence fee payer should write to him and demand a refund of the portion of their fee that was spent on this gruesome project.

Oh no, grumpy Graham can't resist a gripe

MY favourite grumpy tweeting comedy writer, Graham Linehan, was at it again last week.

A British comedy troupe are exploiting his most famous creation by staging a Father Ted: The Dinner Show, where guests pay for dinner while being entertained/insulted by the show's best-known characters.

"A bunch of chancers," is how Graham described them and, from the clip of them performing in some low-rent booze up in a marquee, I can see his point. But of course he couldn't leave it there... Linehan also tweeted that the troupe should "give a hefty cut of the profits to charity."

At £39 a head, including dinner, I don't think these comedians are raking it in -- unlike Hat Trick Productions, Father Ted's makers, who continue to make millions on the back of a show's repeats and DVDs. Meanwhile, the actual cast, who never negotiated royalties, were left with just their original fee.

Perhaps Graham would care to ask Hat Trick how much of a 'hefty cut' they've donated to charity over the years?

Come on, Andrea. Admit it's a bit cheeky giving off on downloads

'YOU put your work into creating a piece of art for people just to take it -- you can't think it's not stealing, because it is."

Coming from the mouth of Andrea Corr, I automatically assumed that the beautiful singer turned actress was describing her recent album of cover versions, Lifelines, and apologising for making a mess of the original artistes' recordings by describing her efforts as nothing better than 'theft'.


After all, reviews for Lifelines have been less than gushing, with one critic calling it "lingering death by musical blandness," and the album only barely managed to scrape into the top 40.

But Andrea has a different explanation for its disappointing performance -- illegal downloading. It's the people who pirate music, you see, that Andrea was referring to in her quote at the start of this article; she claims they're destroying musicians' ability to make a living.


All of which is a bit rich coming from a member of the Corrs. Lucky enough to have started her career in the pre-internet era, Andrea made a sizeable fortune from her band's oeuvre. She also had the good sense to branch out into acting, for which she has earned some decent reviews.

She comes across as a rather sweet soul, who's aware of how good life has been to her.

So why didn't she didn't stick to acting, and leave a good thing alone by not going back into the recording studio? With a bizarre lack of self-awareness, she also complains about new bands not being able to break into the business.

"Musicians now won't be able to spend all their time doing music," she claims, "they'll have to do other jobs, so we might not get to hear the new Rolling Stones."

Yes they will, Andrea -- talent will always come through. If there is one thing that is stopping new bands from progressing, it's over-the-hill musicians trading on past glories and taking a chunk of record companies' funds to churn out turgid albums of cover versions of other people's songs, principally because they've run out of inspiration to write their own.

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