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Friday 15 December 2017

Marisa Mackle: Sex and the single mum is not so bad

Women over 35 don't have sex. Well, according to a survey. I wonder is it because they don't have the time? And if they don't have time, then how do they find the time to take part in these surveys?

Anyway, I'm not surprised by the findings, and I'm sure motherhood has a lot to do with them. With many women leaving motherhood until later on and juggling childminding with careers, it's a wonder they have time to wash their face, let alone anything else.

A 35-year-old mother with a newborn in one arm and a toddler in the other, probably spends her life battling a fog of exhaustion. Life moves monotonously from morning feeds to nappy changes to ironing a mountain of baby clothes, to hurried doctor appointments.

You must have a routine. If you don't, your life can descend quickly into chaos, as anybody who has ever left the house with a baby and forgotten to take spare nappies, baby milk and a change of clothes, can testify.

A former smoker, I remember that horrible panicky feeling of waking up in the middle of the night to discover there were no ciggies left in the house. Well, now I get that same jittery feeling when I've run out of nappies. The other morning, having discovered that my stash had run dry I ran to the shops to replenish, cursing myself for being so disorganised. In the check-out queue I saw the newspaper headlines. Apparently that Mark guy from Take That has been having a string of affairs. Another famous man, I thought, caught playing away. And I began to feel a little angry. Do you know why? Because his wife has a baby. And Tiger Woods' wife has a baby.

And Tess Daly, whose husband was recently sending saucy texts to glamour models, is also a new mother. It's seems as if having a baby is something that all these wronged women have in common. And their men, obviously no longer the centre of attention, feel the need to have their massive egos massaged elsewhere. John Terry, father of twin toddlers, was even named Dad of the Year last year.

These men should put their feet in their partners' shoes before they risk publicly humiliating them. Because, when you have a small baby, and you still haven't regained your pre-baby bikini bod, and your brain is muddled with extreme tiredness, the last thing you want to do is dress up in lacy lingerie and behave like a sex siren.

At least when I go to bed, I can put on a face mask, wear my fleece pyjamas, read a trashy novel and not worry about a cheating partner. Honestly, life as a single mum has its advantages.

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