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Friday 24 November 2017

Colette Fitzpatrick: I thought Jedward would be a bit of a dose, but the lads turned up with no entourage and knocked my socks off

I've always been a big fan of big hair. The Lion King look, I like to call it. Big.

Bouffed-up and gravity defying. Sort of like the type of hair a Mafia moll might sport.

And their statement hair is one of the reasons I loved meeting Jedward.

I got to touch it this week. The hair that is. Just leaned in and ran my fingers across it. (They couldn't get through all the mousse, gel and hairspray) Talk about cliste. Using all three products means a possible endorsement deal from any number of hair brands.

Jedward were, or is that was? Are they, or it, a single or collective noun? Either way, the pair was on the season finale of Midweek this week and after meeting them, I'm smitten.

I thought they'd be a dose, but they turned up without an entourage. Not one assistant, PA, helper or dogsbody.

They'd their hair done. (Maybe they won't leave the house without it done. Like Posh not leaving without her signature pout).

They were total professionals in studio -- no Elton John-style hissy fits -- though they must have been drinking weapons-grade coffee or kangaroo juice beforehand. They were like the energiser bunnies who'd OD'd on berocca, zipping about the studio at the speed of light.

They love nothing better than to hoover of an evening, they told me. Honest. Of course they do. They're the new face of Shake 'n' Vac. They're fussy about food; take water instead of milk in their cereal. And they've never been in a relationship. Again, I'm not sure whether that was collectively, or on their own.

They are remaining tightlipped about whether or not they're ready to bare all for PETA. The animal rights organisation is famous for celebrities getting snapped in the buff, with the slogan: 'I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur.'

Paparazzi

If their star is waning in a few years, they could organise some paparazzi to snap them without the quiff -- the equivalent of a Hollywood dollymop being seen without make-up, a few spots and a coldsore. Instant guaranteed column inches; the rise, fall, reinvention, all Lucan style.

Meeting Jedward knocked my socks off -- exclusive, theirs were matching for once. They were on their game. I just needed a lie down afterwards ...

Potshots, gossip - and, oh God - 6am outside Krystle. Yes, it was the TVNow Awards again

Another year. Another TVNow Awards. Another round of Brit celebs in ASDA dresses. And the annual helping of potshots at the assembled TV luvvies.

No soft-centred approach from publisher Michael O'Doherty. There never is. The MC reminded us all how navel-gazing, un-fabulous and Z-list we all actually are. Had Michael praised any telly totty in the room, we would have fallen off our collective perch. Although The Glenda rocked as co-host.

Glossy

The TVNow Awards are like a portal into the private, gossipy lives of the few hundred or so who inhabit the glossy TV world -- especially when the gloss has become decidedly matt and grimy around about 3.30 in the morning in Krystle.

The dating game and drunken conversations get even more biblical in the early hours. It was you I was just flirting with, wasn't it? Oh, God. It's bright, six in the morning, and isn't that person who now looks like something from David Attenborough's Life On Earth series the celeb that slamdunked the red carpet earlier on?

No fragile celebrity egos were harmed in the writing of this column.

Let's hear it for Ella, next stop the DeGeneres show

Check out the Cork toddler who's become an internet sensation almost overnight. The two-and-a-half-year-old's mother uploaded a clip of her singing Justin Bieber's Baby last month. Ella's dulcet tones have received almost a million hits, with Justin Bieber himself tweeting about her rendition of the song and putting it on his Facebook page.

Now the Ellen DeGeneres show has been in contact and is set to play the clip on the show.

Crystal Swing was on Ellen recently performing He Drinks Tequila and brought the talkshow hostess a bottle of Irish whiskey. What will Ella bring if she crosses the Atlantic for fame and fortune? Formula? A Barney colouring book? Or maybe a pint-sized Cork hurling jersey. Sure Ellen would love that, like.

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