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Thursday 14 December 2017

Anton Savage: Ok, so we caused an economic disaster...but let's focus on the now

50 Shades of Grey
50 Shades of Grey

ESRI economist John Fitzgerald has said that Ireland made a bad mistake in the run-up to the banking crisis, but he pointed out that so did everyone else.

This comes as part of evidence being heard at the Banking Inquiry.

Professor Fitzgerald echoed the evidence of many others at the committee; we made a balls of it, so did a lot of other people. It's all pretty depressing, in part because it focuses (quite correctly) on the cause of the crisis, not the global response.

That constant examination of what we and the world got wrong can allow us to forget what we got right afterwards - we were in a position wherein the US Secretary of the Treasury was dry retching at a meeting from the stress of trying to keep the banking system afloat, where national debts sky-rocketed, where government bonds headed towards junk and where we were told the euro would collapse and we'd enter a second great depression. It's good that we examine how we got into the crisis. We shouldn't lose sight of the fact that where we are now ain't a bed of roses. But compared to where the planet might be, it ain't half bad.

We're back in the Eurovision

The Eurovision has finally found a way to let Ireland host the contest again. Because let's not kid ourselves that our recent lack of success is a result of a lack of musical talent - it isn't.

It's a calculated decision to ensure that we never have to foot the bill for staging the thing.

No-one could believe that we were trying our best by sending a puppet turkey or the two hyperactive twins that are Jedward. We have quite obviously been wilfully scuppering our chances.

We're so desperate to avoid hosting it that we even took to winning it by proxy when we entered Nocturne by Secret Garden. Norway still believe that they won it that year but we all know Fionnuala Sherry was a sleeper agent.

Either way, we've long since resigned ourselves to the notion that we would never again have a Euro-party on these shores. Well, it turns out we were wrong.

The Aussies are in as part of the 60th anniversary celebrations. They're not in Europe so questions have been asked as to what's gonna happen if they win - will every country in the competition have to send representatives around the planet to an event hosted in Sydney? Apparently not.

If the Aussies win it they won't host. Instead, they'll select a European country to put on the show in their stead - and they'll pay. This is the perfect solution for us. Time to get our sleeper agents working again, send 'em to Australia, win the contest and then make the Aussies pay for us to have a party here. We're back in the game, kids.

It's time for S&M at B&Q

We're being told that B&Q sent a memo around to its staff telling them how to deal with questions from customers trying to emulate 50 Shades of Grey (left).

Now something tells me they may be overestimating how eager the average punter is to ask sex-related questions of a shop assistant in a hardware store.

Imagine a conversation like this ever happening: 'Here, pal, I'm thinking of cable-tying the wife to the bed and duct-taping her mouth shut. Would you recommend Duck Tape brand or should I upgrade to Gorilla Tape? She's a talker.'

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