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Friday 20 September 2019

'Suicide ruins the lives of so many' - wife of MS sufferer Sheldon

Mary Hobbs lost husband Sheldon to suicide
Mary Hobbs lost husband Sheldon to suicide

A distraught woman whose husband took his own life has told how suicide destroys the lives of so many people.

"You are not only hurting yourself and taking your own life, but you are passing on the pain to others," she said.

Mary Hobbs's husband, Sheldon, who had a rare form of multiple sclerosis (MS), took his own life last month, just 10 weeks after the birth of his youngest daughter, Rose.

His suicide has left Mary to single-handedly raise four young children.

Cries

The fraught mother contacted Cork's RedFM radio station to persuade others with thoughts of self-harm to talk to others.

"Not everybody cries out for help," she said. "I just want people to know that if they are feeling that way, please take that extra time, because you are destroying so many lives.

"You are not only hurting yourself and taking your own life, but you are literally passing on the pain. It is absolutely horrific. It is my worst nightmare - I never thought I would go through something like this.

"Our whole life has been blown apart. There are seven children, four of mine and three of his, who are going to grow up without a father that absolutely adored them."

Mary has been left to raise baby Rose, Sheldon (2), Cian (4) and Scott (13) on her own.

Sheldon, who originally came from Peckham in south London, was diagnosed with MS in 2015.

"We met when he moved to Mallow to live with his uncle. He was so funny - he was hilarious," Mary said.

"A lot of people with MS can carry on working, and don't suffer as much. Every single case is different.

"Sheldon had a very aggressive strain right from the very beginning. A lot of damage was done in a short length of time and he never recovered. He was in pain 24 hours a day.

Trapped

"It was like nerve pain, so no painkillers could take it away. It was a pain from head to toe.

"He lost the use of his legs for a while, and lost vision in one of his eyes.

"He went from working - he did furniture removals all over the world - to not being able to walk."

Mary said that despite his great pain, Sheldon never showed any signs of taking his own life. Because he was so ill, he would cry behind closed doors.

"That Sunday morning, the day it happened, the day he passed away, he was crying at the breakfast," she said.

"He kept saying he knew he was getting worse. He often said that - that he hated his body and felt trapped in it.

"I can't believe he has [taken his life]. Our world has just been shattered into a million pieces."

Mary said she has received amazing support from Pieta House.

"If anyone out there has dark thoughts, or thinks of harming yourself, make that call, send that text. Just get help," she said.

"There are always options. Life can change in an hour. Life can turn around and things can get better - and they will get better."

A friend has now set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for Mary's children.

The page can be found on gofundme.com/f/mary-and-kids-foundation.

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