SO, who dunnit? The news that Presidential candidate Dana's husband Damien Scallon is claiming that someone tried to 'injure or murder us' by interfering with their car tyre got me thinking.
Never mind that another expert said it could just be caused by driving on a punctured tyre. We need to investigate further.
I ruled out al-Qa'ida, as Bin Laden is dead.
Not to say that there mightn't be a sleeper cell hiding out in Lixnaw in Kerry. Or maybe they were hiding out inside the car tyre?
You see, Dana's husband says the AA man said he'd never seen anything like it. The tyre, that is.
Then, I had to consider the CIA. There have been numerous unproven theories as to their alleged involvement in the shooting of JFK. And then I thought no, allegedly they only go for existing Presidents.
Who else would want Dana out of the campaign? Certainly, it is not attempted murder by the media. They have got immeasurable value out of the former chanteuse.
Back home, and the way this campaign has been going nothing can be ruled out. We have to look at the other candidates.
And then I thought, no, it can't be Gay Mitchell. If he was going to take her out, he'd lock in her a room and bore her to death by reciting his speeches.
Michael D Higgins would adopt a similar modus operandi by reciting his poetry to her.
Sean Gallagher? Too busy denying his FF past to have time for such a dastardly scheme.
So, you've got figure it must be the Europeans.
Think about it. Dana as President would reject any new attempt by the Eurocrats to fiddle with our Constitution.
So maybe Angie Baby done it. Yes, Merkel has every reason to target our Dana. And then again... she's been too busy blowing up the euro to have time for a tyre.
And then I thought, hang on, who's got loads of time on their hands now?
Who must be jealous of Dana's musical success
Yes, you're with me! It's Westlife. They had both motive and opportunity. God, I am saddened to say this, but could this all be a Louis Walsh master PR stunt? No, that will come with the Westlife comeback tour.
So, let's go back to the evidence. We know that the tyre blew out under pressure from something.
We know that, despite this blowout, they continued driving on, doing immense damage to the object in question. And I got to thinking that this is very similar to another crime right under our noses.
Dana has had a lot of pressure. And just like the poor misfortunate tyre, she and her team have insisted in driving on. In the process, God knows what damage they are doing to themselves.
And they have had a major blowout.
Maybe the stress of being in a daily nightmare has done this. The temptation is always to look for the demon outside of oneself. I'm not saying Dana is paranoid, but the notion that someone is out to kill her is. In a worst-case scenario, maybe someone slashed a tyre.
But that is everyday vandalism, not attempted murder.
The garda experts will apparently look at the inside of the tyre. If there is a crime, isn't it more likely it was vandalism, rather than attempted murder?