herald

Monday 21 January 2019

Savage i: Am I missing something with Martin mishap

Micheal Martin did a Chinese accent. Oh my God! Have him shot at dawn. If you missed it, someone dredged up a clip of the FF leader quoting a Chinese person while impersonating their accent.

This has caused a kerfuffle. Questions of racism abound. Am I missing something? The quote was complimentary and people from China sound, well, Chinese. Just like people from Louth sound Louthese.

My group of colleagues contains a person from Louth and a person from China and my research has revealed that the one from Louth gets way more slagging about their accent than the one from China (let's face it, Louth accents are funny. Walk up to anyone and say "awe ye gown down the towwn the night hey?" and see if they smile.)

If you want to slag a Chinese person, it's much more rewarding to start with their national cuisine. I find the sentence 'tofu has no flavour and chicken have feet solely to support the chicken, not for eating' is a good ice-breaker (although Ireland exports several hundred tonnes of chicken feet to China every year, so maybe leave that last bit out.) Let us all agree to go back to attacking Micheal Martin for the economic collapse of the state and not for daft assumptions of racism.



  • So Gerry Adams may have won what we laughingly call a debate last night. Five guys making tiny speeches to an audience of the terminally indecisive (hand-picked floating voters) is not a debate. It's how the CIA extracts info from suspected terrorists; they lock them in a room and deliver tiny, meaningless policy snippets at them until they crack and give up the location of the dirty bombs.

For once, this is not the politicians fault. It's RTE's. When they were offered the entire cast of Ben Hur for the debate they should have politely declined and let the whole shooting gallery decamp for TV3. But amidst the chaos, Gerry emerged as a shining light -- because the others were spineless in dealing with him.

In the North, like any post-guerilla conflict zone, the terrorists have to go to bed with each other. It's a rule. If they don't join up in political action there's a risk they'll return to what they know best; shooting each other. So everyone clams up about their past and gets on with the arduous task of coupling with the distasteful.

But it's 80 years since we in the Republic shot each other with any real commitment, so we should feel free to remind Gerry of the actions of his party's terror army. Adams talked about 'citizens rights to healthcare' and hospital waiting lists. Why did no-one say 'what about the human right not to be knee-capped?' 'What about the impact on waiting lists of burnt corpses arriving to A and E?' Gerry talked about jobs growth. Why did no-one mention the economic impact of one of the most sustained campaigns of murder ever seen in a western state? Gerry talked about 'fraud' and Micheal Martin pawed at him ineffectually instead of mentioning two decades of laundering foreign money to buy illegal arms. There is something wrong when we get angry with Fianna Fail for their legacy, while we remain dispassionate about the legacy of Sinn Fein.

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  • Quote of the debate -- John Gormley: "I emigrated from Ireland during the 80s. But returned later." So, yet another problem caused by the boom ...


  • Surprise of the week - Marie Louise O'Donnell falling passionately in love with Brian Lenihan. According to her report on Pat Kenny, the Finance Minister showed her Leo Varadkar's house. No woman could resist ...

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