A woman in a deadly love triangle told her lover she would do anything to have his arms wrapped around her.
Claire McGrath (30) has been giving evidence in the Central Criminal Court trial of Keith Connorton, of Deerpark Avenue, Tallaght.
Mr Connorton denies murdering Graham McKeever on February 18 last year.
Ms McGrath had been in a relationship with Mr Connorton but was "cheating" with Mr McKeever and invited him to stay the night.
A fight allegedly broke out when Mr Connorton (40) returned home and found Mr McKeever (32) with Ms Mc- Grath.
Yesterday, Michael O'Higgins, defending, read some of the messages Ms McGrath sent Mr McKeever before his death.
In one of them, she called Mr McKeever "sexy man" and said: "I have a surprise for you, but I will keep it for your eyes only."
In another, she accused Mr McKeever of not giving her a chance.
Others said "I can't believe you would say such lovely things and then drop me" and "I would do anything to have your arms wrapped around me."
Ms McGrath told Mr O'Higgins that Mr McKeever was the only thing keeping her from a breakdown after her relationship with Mr Connorton ended.
She said she should not have sent the messages because they gave Mr McKeever false hope.
She told Mr O'Higgins she said what she needed to say to keep the affair going.
"Listening to it, I hear how desperate I sound and I'm ashamed of myself," she said.
Earlier, she told Mr O'Higgins that due to her drug use, there may be aspects of her evidence that she had "imagined".
She did not believe she was a reliable witness, adding: "I said that from the beginning."
Mr O'Higgins asked her if, as the prosecution has suggested, she is changing her version of events because she is in a relationship with Mr Connorton, who is the father of her child.
She said no, and added that if she thought "for a second" that Mr Connorton was the kind of "thug" he is being made out to be, she would not let him near her child or want him in her life.
Ms McGrath will continue her cross-examination today in front of Justice Tony Hunt and a jury.