Saturday 16 December 2017

Will you be an angel or a devil as the world ends?

There's nothing like the rumoured end of the world to have a person wondering if they're coming or going. Really, is there any point in doing the shopping or is it much wiser to bide time in case the cooker and can opener are sucked overnight into a whirling doomsday black hole?

You don't want to get it wrong, and it's reasonable enough to worry if life's winners are right now out stocking up on baked beans in case the apocalypse strikes and the world awakens to a gruesome episode of The Walking Dead.


Just imagine if some tomato-coated beans are crucial for survival and everyone has cans of them, except you.

You could say a similar dilemma arises when considering what are the good things to do and what are the bad things to do, before the end strikes with vengeance.

The angel in you wants to go out on a good note and to spend the last night ever with loved ones meditating on the wondrous meaning of life.

The devil in you is upset by this and will be flipping terribly upset to get to the other side and find everyone else with big dirty grins on their faces after the best end-of-the-world shindig ever.

According to the 5,125 year-old Mayan calendar, tomorrow marks an event that has been interpreted as the end of days or the start of a new era in the world as we know it, or just a good excuse for a party.

The Mayans were a Mesoamerican civilisation who had the only fully developed written language in pre-Columbian Americas, and were wildly advanced in art, architecture, maths and astronomy for their times. They were super bright for their era, some suspect they came down in a space ship. It explains why there are people getting their doomsday bunkers ready for tomorrow. Well, in California at least.

Mayans believed tonight to be the human race's last night. So what do you plan on doing just in case -- and how can you balance your angel with your devil?

Angel: Ring all those you haven't spoken to in ages to tell them how you regret having neglected them and if you were going around again, you'd show them a lot more love.

Devil: Stop keeping secrets and go on Facebook and tell the world all the things people have confided in you (ie dumped on you) over the years.

Angel: Spend this evening working for a charity as you've always intended to do some good works.

Devil: Rob a bank and give the bastards a taste of their own medicine. No need to worry about the guards who'll soon be busy doing crowd control when the end strikes.

Angel: Tell your true love they've brought meaning and magic to life.

Devil: Find out where Robert Sheehan lives and start stalking him.

Angel: Give all your money to charity.

Devil: Go bonkers with your and anyone's credit cards you can get your hands on and buy lots and lots of useless stuff like ball gowns and yacht wear and diamond slippers for the princess you should have been born but, because life is unfair, weren't.

Angel: Go to Confession.

Devil: Go commando and not just because you were too lazy to do the laundry.

Angel: Visit friends to say goodbye.

Devil: Rob a Bentley and crash it into a Mercedes.

Angel: Cook a gourmet feast for family and friends to say thanks for all the good times.

Devil: Stuff your face with boxes of chocolates and wash it all down with champagne.

Angel: Hug everyone you meet.

Devil: Have sex with everyone you fancy. Alone or together, heck it's the end of the world. If you've never, ever played with a sex toy -- do it. There's your entire day sorted!

Angel: Say 'sorry' and mean it.

Devil: Say 'sorry' and do the bad thing again.

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