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Thursday 14 December 2017

What not to do on a first date

DON'T meet during the day

Meet during the day

It's a date, not a business meeting. You are meeting this person because you are sexually attracted to them. Meeting somebody for a date during the day loses a lot of the romance, and you could easily end up just as friends.

DON'T

be too coy

You obviously have feelings for this person and waiting until the end of the date for a kiss as they get into the taxi is something from the 1950s. Wake up! You don't have to sleep with the person on the first date, but at least show them you are attracted to them.

DON'T

Stay in the same place

Most people go to a location and stay there for the night. It's a far better idea to meet for a drink and maybe go to three or four different places over the night, even if it's for a walk on the pier. Different is usually better.

DON'T

Ask for a second date at the end of the first date

Dating is about creating Intrigue. If you let the other person know how you feel straight away, it kills a lot of the excitement. Instead, let them go home and wonder how you feel about them. You can ask them out again a few days later. DON'T

Go for dinner/or to the cinema

While this is great when you're in a relationship, it is far better to go for a drink for the first date. There's less pressure and far more opportunity to get to know the person.

DON'T

Meet over the weekend

If you meet up with someone on a Saturday night, the chances are they'll be with their friends. Never a good idea. You want to get to know the person on their own, so arrange a first date mid-week.

>Stephen Nolan is dating coach with Dublin-based Kama Lifestyles: Teaching The Art of Dating

DON'T.

Talk about a recent break-up

You're on a first date, so the chances are you've both had recent break-ups. The other person has had their own heartache and disappointment, so doesn't want to hear yours. They are out for a fun and enjoyable night.

DON'T

Moan about problems you have at work or at home

Some people think a way to break the ice is to put all their problems out on the table. But it puts the other person in a very uncomfortable position, and they may feel you are asking for support. They might also feel you're more in need of a counsellor than a date!

DON'T

Talk about how broke you are

Talking about how your business has gone bust and how you're barely keeping your head above water will not gain you sympathy on a first date. Everyone has money problems these days and no one wants to get dressed up to hear about someone else's.

DON'T

Be indiscreet about past dates

Spilling the intimate details of a past romantic encounter is unlikely to build up a good rapport. Instead they're likely to be thinking 'if they don't respect other people they have dated, they are not someone I can trust'.

DON'T

Go on about your children

Of course you love your children, but if you are on a first date, it is inadvisable to go on about them. Your date might end up concerned that you are looking for a new mother/father figure for them.

DON'T

Interview the other person

We all have an idea of our ideal partner, yet bombarding a person with questions to see if they tick all the boxes can be very off-putting for a date. It's better to slowly build up a rapport.

Jennifer Haskins is managing director of the dating agency Twos Company

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