Thursday 22 March 2018

Should I take a DNA test to prove fiance is a dad?

Q: I'M gutted my fiance has asked me to have a DNA test to confirm he really is the father of our little girl. He has accused me of being untrustworthy in the past but apologised afterwards and said it was because he had been cheated on in a previous relationship.

I love him but hate his horrible behaviour and controlling ways and now I have a six month-old daughter I feel I need the support of a man and not a big spoilt child. My mum and sister are disgusted with his demand and are telling me to break it off with him.

A It seems absurd and disrespectful of him to demand a DNA test based on nothing but empty accusations and leftover scars from his past. However, you tell me you still love him and, for the sake of your daughter, I wouldn't advise you to be too quick to dump him. Despite your mum and sister urging you to end the relationship, you are the only person that can make that decision.

My advice is to make it clear to him that under no circumstances will you be bullied into taking a DNA test when you know for certain that the child is his. Be firm and don't let him get away with making you feel bad about anything. Stay strong and, if his nasty behaviour continues despite your requests, then it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

QI can't afford to go to my friend's hen party in London but I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm broke. Instead I lied and said I had other arrangements made for the weekend but she has discovered I was lying and has told me that if I can't prioritise her special time then maybe I shouldn't bother going to her wedding at all.

The thing is, I know if I tell her the truth she'll offer to lend me the money for the weekend and it will only add to my debts. Am I destined to lose friends because of the credit card debt I have foolishly built up?

AIt's a real shame that you felt compelled to lie to your friend about the situation you're in, as it may make her wary of what you tell her in future.

In a way, I feel it's a good thing that she found out because it's given you the opportunity to tell her about the financial difficulties you're facing and I would encourage you to come clean with her as soon as you possibly can.

It's unfortunate that she was so quick to judge you for supposedly not making the effort to attend her hen, but it would clear the air if she knew that you couldn't afford it.

Obviously, accepting a loan is not a good idea for you, so you will have to politely decline if she offers you the money.

This is a misunderstanding that must be sorted as soon as possible.

QMy mum keeps borrowing my clothes, make-up, bags and shoes. I know I sound like an ungrateful daughter, but my mum is very casual about possessions while I am the opposite. I take special care to make sure clothes are dry cleaned and shoes and handbags are stored in such a way so as to not ruin their shape. My mum drops everything on her bedroom floor and it is up to me to go and retrieve them and sort them out.

She says if it wasn't for the fact I live with her I would never be able to afford anything in the first place.

AYour mother's insistence that you would not be able to afford anything if it wasn't for living with her should not detract from the fact that she has repeatedly shown disrespect for your personal belongings. Presumably she's well aware that you like to look after your things, yet she doesn't act like she cares.

I also like to look after my clothes and shoes, so I can sympathise with your frustration.

It's time for you to strike a deal with her. Be firm and explain that you would be happier about her borrowing your clothes, make-up and accessories if she showed some respect for them and tidied them up after her. Be clear that if she can't do that, then she's not welcome to borrow them.

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