herald

Tuesday 21 August 2018

Sex toy prank is no child's play!

IT was time that the four of us and our partners had a break.

We left the travel arrangements to Patsy, which was like leaving a bucket of coal in the hands of a toddler.

The result was a bit messy.

We flew to Munich, hired a nine-seater van and drove three hours to a tiny village in Austria which wasn't exactly known for its nightlife. In fact, there would have been more buzz in a graveyard.

"You said cheap so you got cheap," Patsy huffed. We sure did.



Craic

On the Saturday night we went to a restaurant. We were the only patrons. Regardless, the drink flowed and the craic was 90. Halfway through the meal Maggie's hubby whispered to me that he has just seen the most amazing item in a vending machine downstairs. As this is a family newspaper, I will refer to it as a 'Travel Nellie'. Its real name rhymes with hussy.

"Do you know what would be hilarious?" he said. "If we got one and slipped it into Jose's pocket."

The wine must have gone to my head because not only did I think it was a great idea but I also took it upon myself to purchase said item.

I made my excuses and went downstairs. No sign of a vending machine so I tried the ladies toilet but still no joy. This vending machine only sold La La thongs (!). There wasn't a Travel Nellie in sight. Then I realised they had to be in the men's toilet.



Machine

Knowing there was no one but us in the restaurant I took a chance and went in. Sure enough the Travel Nellies were there. I slipped €4 into the machine and turned the knob. Nothing happened. I twisted it from side to side but still nothing.

Fretting a little at the thought of where I was, I put one foot on the wall and practically reefed the machine out of its fittings.

With that, a loo flushed and a lock flicked back. There was a man in the toilet after all.

To say I nearly had a heart attack would be an understatement.

Leaving the Travel Nellie behind, I yanked open the door and nearly creased myself as I caught my jacket pocket on the handle which, in turn, jammed into my rib cage. I could see the headline: "IRISH OUL'WAN FLOORED BUYING SEX TOYS IN MEN'S TOILET!"

Sweating like a hog on a treadmill I took my seat. "Where were you?" whispered my other half

"In the men's toilet trying to buy a Travel Nellie for Jose" I said.

He stared at me.

"And I lost my €4," I added.

He's still staring at me.

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