herald

Thursday 14 December 2017

Real-life crash test dummy

Ian Mallon on a crime victim's new use for Mercedes

YOU'VE all met Daniel McCormack -- the sunken-eyed deviant who was chased down and driven over by a Mercedes Benz. McCormack is a real-life crash test dummy, minus the intelligence and wit -- the type of fellow you'd love to smash your car into if you found him in your house.

He's the sort of chap who possesses not a single moral fibre as he breaks into your home, whether you're there or not and helps himself to whatever he likes.

The only thing Daniel McCormack is good for -- apart from surviving duels with motor vehicles - is climbing drainpipes and wriggling into people's property.

But that ain't going so well since Martin McAughey smashed into him in his Merc.







SMASHED



Now, poor Daniel is suffering from arthritis and regular bouts of pain -- all because he broke into the wrong man's house.

I believe everyone deserves a second chance so I have a career solution for Daniel McCormack, which might help get him back on his feet again.

He could, nae should, become the world's first Crash Test Human, working exclusively for Mercedes Benz.

McCormack already proved that he's good at the job having survived being repeatedly run over by a CLS -- and let's be honest, there's very little damage you can do that brain.

Next up they could try the ML on McCormack and see how he comes out of that one, but either way there could be a long and lucrative career just waiting to happen.

One car I wouldn't have minded hitting me in the past was the Mercedes SLK.

Where once it was a significant sports car of size and profile, it had become a tiny looking insignificant 'Barbie Mobile'. I'm delighted to say that the latest version of the SLK restores the car to its once significant status and is again worthy of 'man praise'.

It not only seems bigger in length, it's definitely more raised than its predecessor

giving the driver a far more empowered feeling from behind the wheel. The SLK is one of the complete drives -- a unique roadster feel, coupled with the unmistakable performance and power that goes with sports driving.

In this case the SLK 200 was BlueEFFICIENCY, which popped out an impressive 181bhp and acceleration that delivered 0-100kph in just 7 seconds.

There are many impressive extras including Airscarf, ashwood trim and heated seats, but what really thrilled me was the sense of room onboard.

Yes, this is a two-seater with a boot as small as a coat pocket, but when you are behind the wheel there is a sense of largesse that you just don't expect from something so compact.

There really is nothing bad to say about the SLK, not even if it were to be used to chase down and drive over a burglar.

The SLK will cost you from €67,950.

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