Saturday 18 November 2017

Patsy feels the force and breathes easy

Not only has Jose saved his marriage by sending Patsy to the doctor for a cure for her snoring, but he may also have saved her life. The doctor recommended that Patsy attend the Sleep Clinic in Tallaght Hospital, which she duly did. They gave her a monitor to wear for two nights. The monitor was a bit like a big wristwatch with a clip for her finger. She was not best pleased.

"She moan all de time that I make her do this," said Jose. "But I say to her, my love, it for de best."

"That man is a bleedin' saint," whispered Maggie.

I had to agree.

Anyway, Patsy did as she was told and then brought back the monitor to the clinic for a diagnosis.


She was shocked with the results. On both nights she had stopped breathing around 85 times. One of those times was for 100 seconds.

"I know it," said Jose. "In de night I know she not breathe and I look at her and then I poke her in her belly bones and then she breathe again."

Yes, Patsy has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea, a condition that can be life threatening as the lack of oxygen, when she pauses in her night breathing, can cause high blood pressure, heart attack or stroke.

To help relieve the symptoms she has been provided with a Continuous Positive Airways Pressure (CPAP) machine.

This machine houses an air pump in a carry case which, in turn, feeds air through a nozzle and into a face mask that Patsy has to wear every night -- for the rest of her life.


"She put it on and she look like Darth Vadar," said Jose, and then he laughed so hard I thought he was going to fall off the chair.

Patsy phoned me later on. "This is just the worst news I could possibly have got," she said.

"Oh, for gawd's sake, don't be so dramatic." I replied.

"You don't understand. Every night I put on my sexiest lingerie and dive on top of Jose.

"That bloody mask is going to ruin my whole look. What if he doesn't find me attractive anymore?"

"He would find you less attractive as a corpse."

"Don't be too sure."

I let that one go because I'm never sure what those two get up to at night time.

A couple of days later Jose phoned to say he was the happiest he had been since he arrived here.

"I sleep all de night and Patsy look so beautiful in her mask," he said.

Like I said, I prefer not to think about what those two get up to at night.

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