Monday 15 October 2018

My man wants me to ogle lap dancers

QMy boyfriend wants me to go to a lap-dancing club with him. I figured he was messing at first, so I teased him by pretending I was half interested.

It's been going on for weeks now, though, and he insists some of his friends' girlfriends have gone. He's not going to give up, is he, even if I'm the type of girl whose idea of fun is to bake muffins and dress my little Shih Tzu in tartan coats? I'm not adventurous in any way, so why would he think I would ever want to ogle half-naked girls?

AIt sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to inject some extra spark into your relationship and sex life, by trying to include you in his fantasy of looking at lap-dancers.

He is clearly keen on the idea, but at least he's not sneaking into clubs with his mates behind your back. He wants your full enthusiasm and support. While trying something new is healthy and can help boost your love life, it has to be consensual.

You must feel comfortable about exploring new avenues and not end up resentful for agreeing to something that really didn't feel right. I strongly urge you to be honest with him about your feelings as soon as possible. It's really the only option.

Simply explain that it's not your idea of fun and you just don't feel comfortable with it. Together you might want to think of new ways to spice up your relationship. Trust me, he'll respect you far more for being truthful and true to yourself.

QI was dumped last month and am pretty messed up. I rang my best friend for support over the weekend and got talking to her boyfriend. He said I was better off without my ex and that I'd meet someone else soon.

He basically said what I wanted to hear and made me laugh for the first time in weeks. My friend called later and I told her all the kind things her boyfriend had said, and she went quiet.

There's been silence ever since. Do you think she thinks I flirted with her boyfriend? I'm very down thinking I've lost my best friend too.

AYou've been going through a difficult time lately and all you did was find a little comfort and humour in another person's kind words. The fact that it was your best friend's boyfriend really should not be an issue and your best mate should actually feel proud of him for his kindness. Her jealousy actually points to her own insecurities and nothing that you've done wrong.

Just give her a little time to get over her issues and realise that you're not going to run off with her man. If the problem persists, however, I would suggest you explain to her that absolutely nothing was intended by the exchange between you and her boyfriend, and that you would really appreciate her time, understanding and support.

QMy housemate is a size eight and eats nothing but salads and soups. On the other hand, I struggle with self-discipline and very often eat junk food in front of the telly. Lately, I've been making a huge effort to curb my over-eating, but I'm finding it hard as my housemate has started buying cakes and sweets and leaving them on the counter in the kitchen. She never eats them, but tells me to feel free to help myself.

She seems happy whenever I give in to temptation, so as you can imagine I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable by her lack of support. What should I say to her?

AIt sounds to me that she is playing a strange psychological game with you, in which she's using your lack of discipline to make herself feel smug and virtuous.

It seems like a very cruel trick, and strongly points to her own imbal-ances. I feel that your best option is to play her at her own game. Make a decision to stop giving into the temptations and instead opt for healthy snacks and meals.

If she sees that the junk food remains untouched, she will soon get bored and stop wasting her money. It will take plenty of resolve, but it will be worth it to show her that she is not in control.

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