Q My boyfriend broke it off with me two weeks ago, and swore no one else was involved. He even led me to believe there was a chance we might get back together and that he just needed a break because he was under so much pressure from starting college. This weekend, I heard that not only has he been seeing another girl, but that she is my best friend's younger sister. My friend swears she knew nothing about it until I told her. I think he was having sex with us both at the same time and laughing behind my back. I feel utterly betrayed by everyone.
AIt's sad that your boyfriend didn't have the courage or decency to admit to you that he was seeing somebody else. But rather than giving up on everyone involved here, I think you should confide in your best friend and find out the truth. If she swears that she knew nothing about the relationship with her little sister, then I would be inclined to believe her. Surely she would've tried to talk her sister out of it if she'd known. She is your best friend, after all.
Demand to know the absolute truth and my advice is to treat this knowledge as closure. Hard as it may be, I recommend you walk away from this with your head held high and dignity intact.
Don't be tempted to fight it out with your best friend's sister or get into a slagging match with your boyfriend. Other than looking like a bitter ex-girlfriend, you will drag your best friend into the centre of it and force her to take sides. Move on,
focus on meeting somebody new and be grateful that you got out of a relationship with a selfish and untruthful man.
QI was diagnosed with depression a couple of months ago, after feeling very low following my granny's death, having a falling out with my best friend and failing to get a promotion at work. I'm on antidepressants and feeling a bit better now, but I am struggling to cope with my parents' attitude. My mum says I'll need to toughen up as life is no walk in the park, and that under no circumstances am I to tell anyone I have depression as people will think badly of me. My dad refuses to talk about my depression, even though members of his own family suffer from it.
A Depression is not something to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. It is a fact of life for many people, and I firmly believe that speaking about problems with a close confidante definitely helps.
You need to start creating an environment in your home where these issues can be openly discussed and support offered. I advise you to speak to your parents and encourage them to do some research into mental illness. Explain that you need their support and understanding and educate each other on every aspect of depression. Charities in Ireland such as Aware will offer support and advice. Visit www.aware.ie.
QI have a good enough job and earn enough to pay the bills, mortgage, food etc. But there is very little left over for treats and two years ago I got a credit card. I was restrained enough at first but now I owe ¤10,000 -- it's money I spent on things I do not need. I stuck my head in the sand for ages but now this massive sum of money which I can only pay interest on has me awake at night. I don't want to tell anyone as I feel ashamed at having been so reckless.
A This is an issue which you must address immediately and not be afraid to seek help with. Firstly, you must confide in a close friend or family member, preferably somebody who has experience in dealing with money matters.
Explain your crisis and work with them to figure out the best plan for paying back the money. Also, make an appointment to meet with your bank manager as soon as possible. The most important step you can take now is owning up to your mistakes and being prepared to do what's required to get out of the red.
Secondly, get rid of your credit card! For somebody like you who struggles with the temptation, it will be much easier to keep account of your finances without one.
I would advise you to seek more information on financial management, whether you study an advice manual, or enrol in a course. It would help you regain your confidence and hopefully ensure that this never happens again.
Q I Used to be a very slim girl but when I moved out of home, my mam's healthy eating did not follow and I quickly put on weight by choosing unhealthy foods and not exercising. Over the years, the weight piled on. I am in my late 20s and pretend that I am that 'fat happy girl' but I am so upset about how I look, I can't even look in the mirror. The sadder I get about how ugly I am the more I eat -- I understand that I need to eat healthily and start exercising but when I think about the hard work I just open another packet of crisps. I've started calling into work sick a few times a month after a food binge, as I just can't face the world.
A it takes courage to admit that your weight has got out of control and you're unhappy with your appearance. It appears that your biggest obstacle is finding the motivation to actually lose the weight. Admittedly, losing weight is not an instant process, but it is entirely possible and once you start seeing visible results, you will definitely want to continue on a healthier path. The two principle aspects of weight loss are diet and exercise. In fact, it's 80pc diet and 20pc exercise. You must focus on eating a diet high in green vegetables, fruit, healthy grains and legumes, and low in dairy, meat and processed carbohydrates.
I advise you to consult your GP on both the diet and exercise plans before getting started.