Making your life whole without your other half
IT'S all well and good to declare yourself interdependent, but how exactly do you go about it? Here are a few ideas.
TALK TO SOMEONE
You can do some of the work on your own, but a good way to learn interdependence is to seek out the help of a professional.
Working with a therapist will help you learn to mirror good relationship practice, and to have someone neutral to talk to.
RELEASE THE PAST
A huge part of being codependent is, sadly, feeling victimised: there's nothing worse than doing your utmost for someone who actually resents you. Your coping mechanisms are out of whack and it's time to learn new ways of dealing with life's challenges. You can do it!
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
One of the ironies of working on your self-esteem can be the feeling that you're the only one who's ever had problems with boundaries and trying too hard in relationships, which makes you feel worse.
Support groups such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) can help you feel less isolated and provide you with the network you need to help you make those positive changes.
Detaching may be the hardest thing of all for a codependent person to do.
Let your loved ones make their own choices. Work on not interfering with those choices, and not rushing in to mitigate the consequences.
KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOURSELF
It may be that many of your hopes and dreams have fallen by the wayside, due to your worry and over-involvement with your significant other.
Pick one thing that you've always wanted to do - and do it! This helps enormously with being able to detach, and goes back to that thing about having interests outside of the relationship.
In healing your spirit, you need to be physically well in yourself.
Eat right (for your own blood type), get enough sleep and take exercise. Seriously, there is nothing like a good endorphin rush to make you feel strong, secure and able for anything.