herald

Sunday 17 December 2017

it's Time to JUICE UP IF YOU WANT some MORE LEAD IN YOUR PENCIL

It doesn't seem that long ago since coconut water was being touted as the next big super drink. Its benefits were said to be numerous and there were claims it could cure everything from high blood pressure to acne. Maggie says it also gets rid of herpes, but I'm pretty sure she made that up.

Everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow (who else) to Rihanna were downing the stuff like there was about to be a drought. Rihanna actually endorsed a coconut water product, Vita Coco, while Madonna went on to invest some of her dosh in the company.

Strutting celebs were pictured everywhere carrying a Tetra Pak of the product around with them, giving rise to suspicions that some were being paid to do so. The Vita Coco company denied such claims and was also very hurt when a report by ComputerLab.com suggested that the nutritional values listed weren't up to scratch.

"These things are only fads anyway. It's like the Atkins diet or eating chia seeds. It's all rubbish. The thing is to eat and drink in moderation and you'll be fine," said Patsy as she stuffed another chicken wing slathered in sour cream into her gob.

We were sitting in her favourite restaurant which had forgotten to renew its drinks licence, so the situation had arisen where we were allowed to bring our own bottle of wine without being charged for corkage.

Patsy, known for her moderation, had brought two bottles for herself - a cheeky little red and a gamey white.

"God love Jose when she gets home," whispered Josie. "He won't get a wink of sleep."

roared

"Anyway, why are we talking about coconut water? It's not exactly down with the homies any more, is it?" Patsy added, trying to belie her age by talking like a rapper.

"I tell you what is down with the homies and that's clay juice," I replied.

"WHAT! YOU MEAN LIKE MUCK LIKE!" she roared in the thickest Kildare accent you have ever heard.

Yes, like muck, like. Juice Generation, an American company, has been developing the juice for the last six months.

Company owner Eric Helms says: "How can I describe it? It's like murky water. The good thing is you can get it down in one gulp."

Good for Eric, who will be selling the murk for $4 a shot. Perhaps not so good for the rest of us, though.

Last word to Mr Helms. "It's used in beauty and we look to the beauty world for inspiration." For the love of Mike . . .

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