herald

Sunday 17 December 2017

I'm teased as I don't get hot pants trend

q My friends all wear denim hot pants but I think they look awful - I'm a gymnast so it's not like I couldn't wear them as I have to be really fit to compete at this sport but I just think you would be really self-conscious wearing something that you need to have fake tan on for and your rear end is hanging out and I also think it makes you look fair game to lads unless it's just holiday wear.

I get teased for being prudish and it's starting to annoy me - why can't my friends just leave me alone to wear what I like?

aI absolutely agree with you. It's great that we all come in different shapes and sizes, but denim hot pants don't suit everybody. It's important to wear clothes that flatter your shape, size and height, for comfort as well as the message that your clothes put out to the world.

As you say, if half of your backside is hanging out of your shorts then men may get the wrong impression about you and girls may attract unwanted attention.

My advice is to ignore your friends' jibes and follow your instincts. The clothes we wear send a powerful image out about the type of people we are, so stay true to yourself and wear what best reflects your personality.

It may even inspire your friends to stop blindly following fashion trends and develop their own individual style.

qI went for a promotion in work and a lad who has less experience than me got the job - it's a really testosterone-driven environment so I wasn't surprised that they gave the job to him but I do feel like it's totally unfair and want to make some kind of point without endangering my own position.

I wasn't told the reason why I didn't get the gig so I wonder if I should just ask and see if their rational adds up?

aI think that you're right to feel upset that you didn't get the job, while somebody less qualified did and your suspicions may be absolutely correct.

Perhaps the guy knows the 
boss personally and his lesser 
experience was overlooked, though that's hardly a good reason to choose him over you.

I feel that you're absolutely within your rights to question why you weren't chosen.

You don't have to be aggressive or argumentative about it, but explain that you would like to know for future promotion opportunities what went wrong and what else you could offer to the company.

It's perfectly fair for them to explain to you why you didn't get it, and I think it will gain you some respect too.

It's important to stand your ground and speak up when things don't seem justified. Just ensure you maintain your integrity and professionalism at all times.

q I saw my best friend's fiance out in a night club and he was all over another girl so I told her about a week later. My hesitation was due to the fact that they have been together a long time, have two children and she adores him.

She's never voiced any 
suspicions about him in the past and to be honest there was a part of me that felt it was none of my business.

Ultimately though, because I had seen him kissing this woman and them leaving the club hand in hand with my own eyes, sober eyes, I felt I had no choice but to tell her what I saw.

I didn't embellish it in anyway, I told her what's in this letter and left it at that.

She has turned on me, asked all our friends to cease contact with me, called me unprintable names and refuses to hear a bad word about her partner plus claims that I want him for myself.

Do I leave well enough alone now or approach her to repair the friendship in the future?

aI definitely think that you did the right thing by telling 
her, but she's understandably finding it difficult to accept because she has planned her family's future with this man.

It must be an enormous shock to her which is why she's in denial and blaming you, the messenger.

But you did the right thing by 
telling the story exactly as it 
happened and not adding any extra drama to it. It's now up to her to confront her fiancé about it if she feels she's able to, but you have done all you can for the moment.

My advice is to take a step back and let her sort this out herself.

There's little you can do until she figures out how she wants to proceed with the relationship with him.

Just make sure she knows that you'll be there for her in the background if she ever wants to speak about it, but it's not fair to punish you as you faced a tough moral decision.

Hopefully she will realise that you have only tried to protect her and have her best interests at heart.

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