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I got married to the wrong guy On kinky bedroom language, a marriage on the rocks, a criticising mother and a man who blows hot and cold

Q My boyfriend of six months wants me to talk dirty to him in bed. When he told me the kinds of things he wanted me to say, I burst out laughing. I am too romantic to want to tell him he is a "bad boy", and it doesn't turn me on to be told I am "a naughty girl who needs to be taught a lesson". I'm worried this is going to become an issue in our relationship.

He wasn't impressed that I started laughing, but I honestly didn't think he was serious at first. Now I know he is.

A If I was in your position, I would have laughed too! Obviously, 'dirty talk' is not for everyone and you shouldn't feel guilty if it's not something you are comfortable with. We're all unique and cannot be expected to be turned on by the same things, nor can we force our partners to join in if they're just not into it.

He may be curious to experiment, but he should also respect your lack of enthusiasm. Explain to him that talking dirty is not something that you could take seriously.

Why don't you try to come up with other ways that will turn you both on in the bedroom without either of you feeling awkward or ruining the moment with a fit of the giggles? That way, the experience will be purely pleasurable for you both.

Buying sexy lingerie is a great place to begin!

QI am married 18 months and realise I have wed the wrong man. I had to drag him up the aisle after I proposed, but I thought marriage was the right step after being together five years.

At 31, I am ready to have a baby, but he says he has no interest in becoming a dad and it's my own fault for assuming we would have a family -- although he never contradicted me when I talked about having a family before we married.

I look at my friends' husbands, who seem to go out of their way to make them happy, and think I've married a man who isn't happy unless he's not giving me what I want. How did I get it so wrong?

AIt sounds as though you went into marriage without fully discussing your hopes for your future together. I'm sad to hear that you're experiencing regrets. However, it is a mistake to believe that your friends have perfect husbands and perfect lives -- there are issues in nearly every relationship which are skillfully kept under wraps.

The main problem between you and your husband is that he has decided he doesn't want kids. You were together for quite a long time before you tied the knot so I would imagine you share strong feelings for each other, despite your differences. Marriage can't be easy, and it requires work and compromise.

My advice is to seek marriage counselling; an expert will enable you both to view your marriage afresh and you will be able to discuss your feelings openly and in depth with the support of a third party. Fight for your marriage and live life with no regrets! Best of luck.

Q My mother is very critical of me -- even something that seems like a compliment always has a bite in the tail. I am in my late 20s and still want to please her, but nothing I do is ever good enough, while my brother can do no wrong. How do I distance myself from the constant criticisms?

A I'm sorry to hear that your own mother has been putting you down. When people behave in such a way, I am always inclined to look deeper into why they are criticising others. Is your mum experiencing personal problems which may be impacting on her moods and her behaviour towards those closest to her? You may be able to offer her exactly the support and understanding she needs.

It concerns me that, despite being in your late 20s, you're still searching for approval from your mum. It's natural to want to please your parents to a certain extent, but most people, when they reach adulthood, start focusing on their own lives and happiness. My advice is to focus on your own sources of fulfilment and gaining credibility from those you respect through work,

friendships, hobbies or interests. Quit the cycle of relying on the one person for approval who will never grant it to you.

You might also want to speak to her about your worries. Often a few words is all it takes for somebody to realise their errors.

QMy boyfriend keeps blowing hot and cold. If I show too much affection he gets all distant. We've been together for two years and I think the chase has to end at some stage. When I mention the 'split' word he gets all intense about me again. I think he wants what he can't have but that, at the end of the day, it will be me who pays the price if I don't call it quits. How do you walk away from someone you love?

AIt sounds as though your boyfriend has commitment issues; he doesn't want to lose you but isn't ready to settle into a serious relationship.

It's obviously not at all fair on you -- he's playing with your emotions, whether he means to or not.

I would have a stern conversation with him. Explain exactly what he has been doing to you and how it's making you feel, and that you won't accept these huge swings in his affections towards you. Give him an ultimatum. He can either grow up and commit to you, or you will walk away before he hurts you any more. My advice is to deal with it quickly and confidently. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.