Friday 23 March 2018

How do I tell my friend not to post pictures of me drunk?

QUESTION: I don't want to get heavy with my friend, but she posted photographs of a group of us online from when we were well drunk.

She didn't tell us, so we all got a fright when we saw them because we look seriously brain damaged in some of them. How can I tell her that this is unacceptable? I don't want to be mean to her because I would hate anyone to think I was a bully.

A One of the downsides of social networking sites is that this can happen, and it can jeopardise friendships. Thankfully, there are ways that you can approach the subject with your friend to get the pictures taken down as quickly as possible and without her thinking you're being a bully.

Arrange to meet up for a coffee and, when the moment is right, gently explain that you're really embarrassed by how drunk you look in the pictures and that you'd really appreciate if she removes them as soon as she can. Suggest that you make a rule within your group of friends that all pictures must be given the all-clear by everybody in them before they can be posted online.

Once your approach is not aggressive, then I've every confidence that she will apologise and remove them. Make sure you're sensitive yet firm enough that she gets the message.

QI'm worried my girlfriend wants a baby, but she promises she would never get pregnant on purpose. I'm not sure I want to get that serious after only dating for a few months, but anytime I try to cool things she arrives over wearing little or nothing.

Her sister has a baby and one of her best friends has one too.

My girlfriend is always admiring baby buggies, going on about her favourite children's names and about hating having to work.

Should I be legging it?

AIt sounds as though you're facing a tricky situation, yet ultimately you're the only one that can make the decision. It seems that she has been dropping plenty of hints about wanting a baby of her own, but it would be a bad idea to jump to conclusions. She may just absolutely love children.

However, I do agree with you that a few months of being in a relationship with her is too soon to have a child together, particularly as you're not really into the idea.

The only thing you can do is to speak to her about your concerns and be completely honest. Before you can make a decision about the future for your relationship, you must be clear with each other about how you see yourselves progressing and what you both want from it, whether it be marriage and then kids.

Just raise the topic with her and allow her to have her say before you accuse her of attempting to get pregnant. Give her the benefit of the doubt before you decide that the relationship is over.

QMy dad was made redundant a year ago and is having problems finding a new job. We got on okay for a while because he had some savings, but now we're barely paying the bills.

The problem is my dad insists that any money we do spend is spent on things he likes. It means my sister and I get nothing, and because we're 14 and 13 we can't work and get our own money.

I go to my friends' houses to avoid going home because he is always in a bad humour.

AI'm sorry to hear that you have been facing financial struggles, and at your age, you may start to feel completely helpless as you're unable to generate any income for the house.

You don't elaborate on what exactly your dad is spending any extra money on, though if it's something practical for the household then I can completely understand.

But if he's buying unnecessary items when you and your sister are actually in need of a new coat, school shoes or books, for example, then it would be wise to have a quiet word with him.

Show sympathy and understanding with the pressure he's under, but suggest that he puts some money towards buying things that you and she need.

It may simply be that he doesn't realise that you're also feeling the pinch as much as he is. Good luck.

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