herald

Thursday 16 August 2018

Dear Rosanna: 'Should I get a boob job'

On self-esteem, a receeding hairline, jealousy of other people's engagement rings and a clingy flatmate

Dear Rosanna, I am 22 years of age and have never really attracted many boys.

Lots of the girls I hang around with are glamorous and, I suppose, I am jealous of them. I need a bit of a makeover — I’ve tried dyeing my hair in the past and spending more money on clothes and fashion, but it has not really worked. I am thinking of having a boob job done and have been looking on the net. My father says he is willing to pay, if I promise to pay him back over a period of three years. I keep changing my mind, however, and am not sure if it will make a difference really.

To be honest, I could probably also do with having surgery on my nose. I am looking for some advice from such a stunning-looking and successful girl as you.

Rosanna says:

It is perfectly natural for every girl to want to make the very best of herself, particularly with the pressures we face from our peers, the media and fashion industries. It's great that you want to focus on taking care of your appearance as it's always been my belief that inner confidence and productivity are very much connected to how good you feel on the outside. It's important to strike the right balance.

However, it does concern me that you're considering invasive, expensive and painful surgery to alter and improve on whatever physical ‘flaws' you believe you possess. The novelty of being able to change your outer self will inevitably wear off and you will find that the same battles with self-esteem and acceptance will remain. It's these you need to work on first. Rather than focusing on your appearance, concentrate on your talents, skills, interests and all your good character traits. Build up your esteem and self-worth from the inside out.

Finally, it would be worth consulting a make-up artist and stylist for some tips on fashion and beauty for you to experiment with or read over some of the great blogs available that are full of useful advice. Stay positive and be true to yourself.

Dear Rosanna, My boyfriend is in his early thirties and his hair is beginning to recede. He is very worried about going bald like his dad. He says if he does he will have a hair transplant like Gordon Ramsay is supposed to have done recently. I really like this man, but will be mortified if he spends thousands on his hair. Is he too vain to be sexy? Help.

Rosanna says:

I can't imagine how tough it must be for so many men to face a receding hairline, so I do sympathise with his desire to tackle his hair loss as quickly as possible.

While Gordon Ramsay hasn't confirmed if he had a hair transplant or not, with his high-profile television career, he undoubtedly faces different appearance pressures, making it difficult to compare properly. However, us girls do generally prefer it if our men spend less time and money on their appearance than we do!

He needs support from you right now as his self-confidence is wavering. Have a chat with him and reassure him that you really like him and will still be attracted to him with a little less hair, and that staying natural is by far preferable to going under the surgeon’s knife. He needs to realise that losing his hair is not the end of the world and those who love him will do so regardless. Be as supportive as you can, although ultimately it is his decision.

Dear Rosanna, I got engaged over Christmas and I was thrilled with the ring my boyfriend presented me with on Christmas Eve. Since coming back to work after a New Year holiday, I have discovered that three of my colleagues also got engaged over Christmas, and that their rings are nicer than mine. How can I broach the subject of upgrading my ring without hurting my fiancés feelings?

Rosanna says:

Firstly, many congratulations on your engagement. What an exciting time for you! I find it quite unfortunate that there is such competitiveness between women in this area. Engagement rings should be entirely personal and sentimental, representing a promise between you and your fiancé.

You should not feel the need to compete with anybody else over how big or shiny your ring is. It was chosen by the man you love as a token of his commitment to you. It shouldn't be viewed as a status symbol, showing the world how wealthy your future husband is.

I strongly advise you to remove yourself from this need to upstage your workmates and feel proud that your fiancé took the time and effort to choose something he thought you'd love. Be the bigger person and be happy with what you have; jealousy is not a pleasant trait. He'd be devastated to find out that you're dissatisfied and there would be no kind way to tell him.

Please take this into strong consideration. I wish you every happiness together.

Dear Rosanna, Why can’t my flatmate take the hint and give me and my boyfriend some space in our communal living room? She always stays in when my boyfriend is over, in spite of the fact she has plenty of friends and plenty of places to be going to. She is single at the moment, so do you think she might fancy my boyfriend? If so, how can I politely but firmly tell her to back off.

Rosanna says:

You will need to handle this situation with care, as you want to avoid hurting or offending your flatmate and making living together even more uncomfortable.

From the information you've given me, it's hard to know if she does fancy your boyfriend or whether she's feeling a bit lonely as a single person and wants to experience some of the warmth, fun and closeness of a relationship through spending time with you and him.

I would imagine that the latter is more likely, as I'm sure she knows there would be absolute war if she made a move on your man! The hints that you've dropped so far are obviously not strong enough, so it would be probably worth having a quiet word with her.

In the politest possible way, just tell her that you'd really like the chance to spend an evening in alone with your boyfriend, it's a normal thing for couples to do and her presence all the time can be a little uncomfortable.

In return, you may suggest arranging a night out with your boyfriend and some of his male friends to give her an opportunity to meet somebody. It's always worth being kind and sensitive though. Good luck.

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