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Dear Rosanna: 'I'm dreading festive season in the sun'

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Rosanna Davison

Rosanna Davison

Rosanna Davison

Send your questions to Rosanna@Herald.ie

Problem: This year I am dreading Christmas as my boyfriend is putting a lot of  pressure on me to go away to the Canaries for the big day. We have been going out for three years and last year he came to my mum and dad's and he got on very well with them.

His family also have a big Christmas day dinner every year, but I have never been invited.

I would really rather stay at home with my little sisters, mum and dad, my brother and his two children. I told my best friend that I didn't want to go to the Canaries and she said that I really should go - that he might 'pop the question' on the beach on Christmas Day.

I'm really miserable about Christmas this year and would love your advice.

 

Rosanna Davison: Deciding who to spend Christmas Day with can be difficult if you're faced with a number of choices.

If you're somebody who loves a traditional Christmas spent at home with your family, then it can be daunting to imagine being abroad in a hot climate for the day. But I would urge you to seriously consider your boyfriend's idea of just the two of you getting away to the Canaries.

Perhaps speak to your parents first to get their advice, but it could be a really memorable Christmas Day and maybe your friend is right about him proposing!

You could have a mini Christmas Day with your family, where you could go for lunch and exchange gifts a few days before you go away. Then you get the best of both worlds.

Ultimately, do what's right for you, but do consider the many positives of going away on a romantic holiday with your man.

 

 

Problem: My ex- boyfriend and I still keep in touch. We broke up three years ago and meet about once a month.

I often think we might get back together and I think he likes me too. Last week he messaged me and he said that we had to meet for coffee. He then told me that he had been going out with a girl that I had never even known about and not only that, he was two-timing her and seeing another girl behind his girlfriend's back!

I told him I had no advice to give him. Why was he telling me that?

I like that we can share problems - but this is too much info. I am bewildered by his behaviour.

Rosanna Davison: It seems that this guy is lost and doesn't know who else to turn to. He obviously doesn't know how to properly and respectfully act towards a woman, as he can't seem to be able to remain faithful to one person.

Perhaps he's still interested in you, but he also sees you as somebody he can trust with his secrets.

If he does want you back eventually, then he's hardly going the right way about it by revealing how unfaithful he's being.

He doesn't sound like somebody you need to be with so my advice is to stop wasting your time meeting up with him to listen to his problems.

Make it clear that you don't support his choices at the moment and create some distance between you and him until he's sorted his life out.

 

Problem: When I got my job a few years ago I thought the pay looked really good and moved into a flat with friends. Now I find I'm really broke and I am afraid to ask for a raise. The trouble is that I have had to make excuses for lots of family get-togethers like lunches, drinks and even a cousin's wedding! I just don't have the money to keep in touch.

Now I think they are leaving me out of the invitations because I will just make an excuse not to go. I'm afraid that I will lose touch with them.

What can I do?

Rosanna Davison answers:  I'm sorry to hear that you're in a tough situation at the moment, but hiding away and making up excuses is not going to solve anything. In fact, it will only push your loved ones further away as they will assume that you don't want to spend time with them.

I suspect that your current strategy will backfire rather badly and you'll end up causing offence and upset to everybody.

It's always best to be honest with family, and of course they'll be understanding and supportive. My advice is to choose a family member to speak to in confidence and explain your situation. Don't be afraid to ask for advice and guidance.

At some stage in the near future, you may also build up the confidence to speak with your employer about a raise because you're really struggling. But it's best to come clean with your family first.


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