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All the cards are with men as we age

According to new research, women care more about losing their looks with age, whereas men worry more about sex as they advance in years. And I would say worry is the operative word there, with the concern driving most men to desperate measures to ensure they get it.

You could say this is a wee error on the part of mother nature, who, having brought the perfect couple together, proceeds to drive them apart as the female withholds the goods as a threat and the male chases a whole host of younger skirt in revenge.

Bad judgment on the part of the women, blind impulse on the part of the men, but an odd quirk in the law of evolution that should really ensure couples stay together until the bitter end. Or maybe not. Perhaps older men lusting after younger women is all part of the grand design, which means fairness doesn't come into it at all.

So, someone like Hugh Hefner (85) can have a bevy of young women at his disposal and be lauded for it; but Madonna (53 and counting) is condemned as a cougar for dating someone who looks like one of her adopted kids -- 24-year-old Brahim Zaibat.

So what's the difference? Well, while Hef is sipping cocktails at a pool surrounded by bikini-clad models, Madonna is screaming at Zaibat to switch off the X-Box and help with her enema. I know who I'd rather be of the two, regardless of the number of years left on the timer.



invisible

It must be tough for women, who, according to another recent survey (they do exist, seriously) feel 'invisible' at 50 and have to watch men go off the rails and either try and repeat the things they did when they were 25, or make up for the fact they never did them in the first place.

Although I saw a picture of Heather Locklear's bottom in a bikini the other day and she has just turned 50 . . . there is certainly nothing to hide there at all. Then there's Michelle Pfeiffer, who still stuns at 52. Demi Moore is 48 and isn't threatening to become invisible, despite speculation about Ashton's wandering eye. Stupid boy, if it's true. Meanwhile, Catherine Zeta Jones . . . sorry, she's only 42. But fair play to her partner Michael Douglas, who is 67; which goes to prove that when it comes to relationships, Father Time seems to side with the boys . . . or maybe not.

Where women, as they age, will at least seek out men they can connect with, men will strive to do everything they didn't get the chance to do in their younger years and disconnect as much as possible. Ultimately, this means sex; even if their crown jewels have shrivelled to the size of two peas in a pod. It's quite sad really.

Sadder still is the advice given by 'experts' to men who find themselves heading down this lonesome road. Solve crossword puzzles, play music, paint and read a lot. I can only presume that their suggested reading material is Playboy.