Saturday 19 January 2019

A Man's Viewpoint

A couple of years ago, in what I suspect was a bizarre ritual endured by all new Herald writers, I was commissioned to do a piece on female beauty treatments.

The hook was that I had to spend a day being subjected to a number of regimes — waxing, tanning and the like — that many women would deem essential in preparation for a big night out.

“Easy money,” I thought to myself. “This’ll be a breeze.” How wrong I was.

While spray tanning and getting my hair cut and coloured professionally were more of an inconvenience than painful, nothing prepared me for the horror of waxing.

Eyebrows and especially nasal hair waxes were deeply unpleasant experiences, but were a stroll in the park compared to the insanity of a chest wax.

Remember that scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin? It doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Seeing as most women can’t afford weekly visits to beauty salons and do their own treatments, I stupidly decided to test out an at home leg waxing kit. Sober.

How bad was it? Let’s just say that the people who claim that ‘time heals all wounds’ obviously never tried home-waxing on their hairy limbs. And I still have the scars to prove it.

I also learned a valuable lesson that day — female beauty regimes should stay a mystery to menfolk. There are some things we’re better off not knowing about.

Ladies, for those of you about to wax, you have my sympathies.

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