Thursday 14 December 2017

He only wants a 'quickie'

Q My fella is wrecking my head with his demand for quickies, usually when he's in a hurry on the way out, or when he's just in from a few pints with his mates and is off to bed because he has an early start.

I suggested we share a takeaway the other night but he wasn't interested. It's a long time since we enjoyed a few vodkas and watched a DVD, or had a good night out clubbing. We used to be a party house but now we're dead boring. He only seems interested when he wants sex.

AIt sounds to me as if he might be feeling a little bored in the relationship and has fallen into the pattern of only seeing you as good for pleasuring him when he feels like it. He may have a selfish streak which is being manifested by him being a sex pest.

It has obviously become a cause of concern for you and understandably too. It displays a lack of respect for you, and a disinterest in anything else that you can contribute to his life.

I would strongly advise you to have a serious chat with him to explain how unhappy it makes you to be seen purely as a sex object, and that he must make more effort to spend quality time with you away from the bedroom. Together, think of ways to spice up your relationship so that you can start communicating properly and appreciating each other. Good luck.

QMyself and my boyfriend are just back from London and from what we are calling our 'recession abortion'. It was an accidental pregnancy, but we would have loved the baby very much.

We are in our mid-30s but are not where we want to be in our careers as it is impossible to get a promotion. We are paying a big mortgage on a big house in negative equity, and are in debt, but can't move abroad as my mum is sick. We feel so trapped we sometimes cry. I cannot see any end to our misery.

AI am so sorry to hear that you were faced with such a devastating decision and made it on the basis of your financial situation. No doubt you thought long and hard about getting the abortion.

The best I can say is to keep persevering. It may be of little comfort now, when faced with a debilitating mortgage, but please consider how lucky you are to have jobs. You must focus on the positive aspects of your life and stay strong for your mum to help her through her illness.

Things have a way of getting better in time and the most important thing is to never give up or feel too sorry for yourself when there will always be somebody else in a worse situation than you. I would urge you to continue to concentrate on your career, your mum and being able to get by for the foreseeable future. Stay positive and your luck is bound to change.

QHow can I get my boyfriend to stop using my expensive moisturisers and serums? Seriously, it puts me in a rage when I see the colossal hole his finger has made after he has stuck it in and taken out a ridiculously large amount of my face cream. I've explained how much they cost, and he has told me I'm mad. I am mad, and I'm furious, but I don't want this to be a huge issue between us. Should I buy a cheap one, tell him it's great and hide the good ones?

AI have been in the exact same situation as you. I was given a jar of expensive face cream and discovered lumps had been taken out of it by my boyfriend. I was not impressed! So I can completely sympathise with you.

There are some beauty products which you don't need to spend much money on, and sometimes the cheaper products work just as well or better than their expensive counterparts. But I would always advise spending that little bit more on decent face creams. It may seem like a lot of money to him, but it's ultimately worth it to help out your skin as it ages.

Male skin can be coarser than female skin, and requires different products. My advice is to buy him his own products that are suitable for his skin type, and consider hiding your own even for a short period of time until he's in the habit of reaching for his own.

Try not to make too big a fuss, and he'll appreciate your generosity.

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