herald

Sunday 22 April 2018

Waxing lyrical over depilation for two

"I came across a website the other day for a beauty salon in England that offers intimate waxing for couples," said Patsy, with a dreamy look in her eye.

"When it says 'intimate' what exactly does that mean?" asked Josie.

I could see that Patsy was contemplating throwing her leg up on the table to show us, but decorum won out in the end and she just pointed in the general direction of her nether regions instead.

"A complete clearing of the site," she explained, as if her nellie was getting ready for some construction work, although, at 50 years of age, it could more be described as an archaeological dig.

Maybe I'm out of the loop altogether, but I can't think of anything worse than getting your nellie waxed and having to look at your other half getting his bits done as well. There are some secrets that should never be shared. Patsy, however, went on to wax lyrical about waxing couples.



showgirl

"It promises a special and sociable experience where you enjoy a drink and relax together at the same time as getting waxed."

Relax! I started to add up how many drinks it would require to get me to undergo a couple's waxing. About six doubles should do it. But Patsy was still talking.

"I was thinking of getting a Hollywood wax or maybe I'll just go the whole hog and get a Showgirl."

While I'm aware that beauty salons have moved on from just offering bikini lines (Maggie had informed me recently that you only get your bikini line waxed if you wear big Bridget Jones-type knickers) to Brazilians and Landing Strips, I had presumed there wasn't much further you could go with hair removal. How wrong can you be?

According to Patsy, Hollywoods and Showgirls are all the rage. My curiosity got the better of me and I had to ask what they were. I wish I hadn't.

"A Hollywood is everything plus all the way to the back," said Patsy, as she tried to lick her chin clean of mayonnaise. "You need to do it if you are wearing a thong."



hairless

Josie crossed her legs at the very thought of it while I ploughed gamely on.

"And the Showgirl?"

"That's a top to toe wax with bit of vajazzling thrown in for good measure. It includes arms, legs, underarms and all the other bits in between. You come out the other end smooth and completely hairless. They'll even wax your nostrils for you if you want."

Quick as a light Maggie said, "The salon would have to charge you double for that."

"Why?"

"Because, judging the size of your nose, they'd need an extra pot of wax."

Maggie is now officially barred from Patsy's wedding.

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