herald

Tuesday 21 August 2018

Rafael Nadal drops more than a match

It's February and we are all flat broke. So, rather than go to the coffee shop, we convened in Patsy's house to save money. She had made banana bread.

"I don't think it's supposed to be shaped like an actual banana," Maggie said. I tried to drown my laughter by drinking my tea but it came back down my nose. Patsy took umbrage and slammed down some Jaffa Cakes instead.

"Speaking of bananas . . ." said Maggie.

"We weren't," muttered Patsy.

Maggie continued regardless. "Has anyone seen Rafael Nadal in his underwear in the new Armani ad?" Patsy opened up the laptop and within a couple of minutes had sourced the non-offending advert. And what an advert.

Anyone who has watched Nadal play tennis is aware that he always wears long baggy shorts and loose tops during matches, so it's a bit of a shock to see him in nothing but a pair of underpants that you couldn't swing a cat in. Although, judging by the shapes he's showing, I fear the cat may still be in there.

"I wouldn't mind paying money to do bunga bunga with him," Patsy slobbered, which is just the type of remark that, if uttered on Sky Sports, could get you sacked.

"You mightn't mind but there just isn't enough money in the world that would pay him to do bunga bunga with you," said Josie.

Armani has used sports people for these types of ads before. Both David Beckham and Ronaldo have appeared slathered with oil and with less body hair than a mole rat, which, in my opinion, gives the effect of them being just a little bit girly. However, Rafe (I can call him Rafe, as I feel I know him intimately after staring at his photo for all of five minutes) looks manly as he smoothes back his hair and stares his Spanish eyes straight into my soul . . . I mean the camera.

"It's also refreshing to see that he has more hair under his armpits than Gordon Ramsay has on his head -- even after his transplant," said Maggie.

'Tis true, but all this romping about with hardly any clothes on is having an effect on his tennis. He lost the quarter final in the Australian Open tennis championship. He complained he was hobbling because of a hamstring injury but the girls and I know different. His Armanis were cutting off his blood supply.

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