herald

Thursday 14 December 2017

Law firm kills passion of the one-night stand

The US has copper-fastened its position as the most litigious nation in the world by pioneering a one-night stand legal document. A leading law firm drafted the document especially for men who want to be sure that a one-night stand is exactly that.

Should the woman become pregnant following the night of passion, the contract ensures that the man shirks all responsibility: parental, financial and emotional.

One wonders when the Romeo is supposed to unveil the document. Following the first kiss? No, too ambitious. In the taxi? No, too dangerous -- she might not follow through. As he fumbles around for a condom?

One wonders what kind of woman would sign the contact. Granted, the novelty of a one-night stand is the lack of commitment and expectation involved, but there's something rather indelicate about asking someone to sign to that effect on the dotted line. There are countless assumed laws when it comes to one-night-stands anyway -- do they really need to be put on paper?



  • Please refrain from discussing previous/ current partners. You are prohibited from discussing love. You are required to leave at an orderly hour in the morning, preferably without waking wotshisname.


  • The signees shall not be liable for any damages suffered, eg post-alcohol anxiety, acute self-loathing and/or misplaced handbags. The signees reserve the right to completely ignore one another should they come into contact after the event.

Or do men need to protect themselves? Few women fall into bed with a relative stranger with pregnancy on their minds, but according to studies, 'gotcha' pregnancies, as they are known in the US, are becoming more pervasive. In an era of sperm donors and single-parent adoption, the gotcha pregnancy is a cheaper and less time-consuming means of having a baby.

It's a timely issue. Author Mary Pols writes about becoming pregnant after a one-night stand in her recent book, Accidentally on Purpose. She also muses over whether she subconsciously set out to become pregnant.

A sitcom of the same name, which chronicles the misadventures of a 37-year-old who discovers she is pregnant after a one-night stand, recently aired in the US, while comedy film Knocked Up tackled the same subject.

The legal firm behind the document were inspired by what has become a zeitgeist subject. What's hilarious is that while they set out to protect men from duplicitous, contraception-shy women, they inadvertently created the world's most effective contraceptive.

Any man who produces this document can guarantee that he won't become a father, by accident or design, because the woman he presents it to simply won't sleep with him. For love or for money.

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