Tuesday 19 March 2019

A woman's arsenal is a splendid thing to behold

"I didn't realise my party frock was so revealing," was model Louise Kavanagh's response to breaking the universally acknowledged "boobs or legs" guidelines at a recent awards night to announce Ireland's 100 Sexiest Men. Quite why this "rule" exists is beyond me.

As a former beauty queen and a woman who makes her living in the cutthroat business of Irish modelling, a competitive environment to say the least, it's extremely unlikely that Louise left home without checking herself out in the mirror that night. And the mirror never lies, which is what makes her Bambi-like faux surprise at people's interest in her outfit so hilarious.

Women dress like this to get noticed, not a bad thing if you're a model. In fact, most women actually like the attention if it comes from the right sources and isn't of the creepy variety. Which is why I always smirk when I hear folks knowingly say that women dress to impress other women.

Maybe some do, but most of us quite like a bit of male attention. We get a buzz from being visually appreciated by the opposite sex but for some reason many of us feel compelled to either take on a girlish denial of any knowledge of this, or a zero-tolerance feminist approach.

I don't fall into either of those categories; "bring it on" is my motto, because it sure won't last forever.

Women were created with soft, curvaceous bodies that, in my opinion, make clothes hang beautifully. The multitude of gay, male fashion designers who favour unnaturally thin, under-developed models to display their creations miss this point entirely.

Nobody wears clothes better than a voluptuous woman. And if she's a smart, voluptuous woman, who has an innate understanding of the weapons of mass destruction that God gave her, then you can be damn sure she knows how to make them work in her favour. And why wouldn't she?

I remember a much older male friend of mine explaining how there were three types of women in the world. Type 1: Woman walks into a pub and every man checks her out. That's what men do.

Type 2: Woman walks into a pub and every man checks her out, has another sip of their pint and then checks her out a second time. Type 3: Woman walks into a pub and every man checks her out, has a sip of their pint and then checks her out again, has another sip of their pint and then checks her out again -- wishing they were the one bringing her home that night. And not because she has a wonderful personality.

So do women want to be checked out in this fashion -- most do, some don't while others are genuinely oblivious.

I saw all the pictures taken at the Sexiest Men awards the morning after, a ceremony which is pretty much guaranteed to have lots of young bucks at it. And guess what, almost every female in attendance turned up groomed to within an inch of their lives, wearing sexy dresses with lots of leg on show.

It was like a social experiment designed to display our inherent mating instincts. So the next time a man gives you an appreciative glance just remember that it's all a part of growing up.

As long as the lines of what's acceptable behaviour are not crossed then enjoy it. As Mae West once said: "Cultivate your curves -- they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."

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