herald

Monday 18 December 2017

Dear Rosanna: She has drunken cries and cheats on him but my pal is still set to walk down aisle

Rosanna Davison
Rosanna Davison

A pal who is cheating on her partner, food advice, and feelings of jealously are amongst readers concerns

My best friend is due to get married this summer and I am her maid of honour at the ceremony, which is going to be elaborate. She's one in a million, vibrant, funny and gorgeous and she's been with her husband to be for four years.

He ticks all her boxes - meets her and her parents' expectations. However, my pal has cheated on him quite a bit with different men - ones who do not meet her and her parents' expectations of what a husband should be like and look like.

I'm no psychiatrist but I am guessing that she doesn't love him and is marrying him to please everyone and meet some kind of milestone.

She's quite wild at heart so although her fiancé is exactly what she expected him to be I think she'd rather settle with someone entirely different.

A couple of times when she has had a few glasses of wine lately she has become upset - but she won't say why.

I'm not sure if I should say something to her. Her family are very well off and I think that this is somehow at the heart of her issues.

Your friend is lucky to have you looking out for her, and it does sound like she's not ready for the commitment of marriage with this man.

There may be immense pressure on her from her family to marry him, and she has been secretly rebelling for quite some time by playing around.

She also must be holding in a lot of anxiety about her new life, but feels that the marriage preparations have gone too far to be able to back out.

As her friend, I think that it's important for you to raise the subject and see if you can get her to talk to you. Explain that you feel she might be marrying for the wrong reasons, and offer to be there to support her no matter what.

Ultimately, she has to make this decision alone based on what's right for her and her life.

But being there to offer some friendly advice, should help to guide her and offer comfort.

 

I exercise every day and up until now I thought that I was generally good about what I ate - but realistically I find that while the exercise keeps me feeling good it is essentially useless unless I revamp the way that I eat.

I know you're vegan and that's not for me but you have studied nutrition so can you tell me what I should be having on a typical day if I want to lose weight then what I do to maintain it.

I'm pretty good at planning meals and sticking to a healthy diet but I need more knowledge and probably need to adjust portion size too.

Everything I read now is focussed on protein but it's so hard to know what to take on board and what's just a fad - I am in my late 20s and a size 12.

I used to be a size eight with little effort and that's the size I am at my most confident at so I think I need to lose about a stone and a half.

Exercise is so important for helping us to look and feel our best, both mentally and physically. But you're right in saying that nutrition is more important, as it's impossible to out-train a bad diet.

It's normal for our body to change as we get older, and for some this means gaining a little weight.

The focus needs to be on being the right weight for your height, and feeling strong and healthy, rather than trying to fit into an unrealistic dress size.

My advice is to focus on eating a wide range of whole, unprocessed plant foods everyday, like green and colourful vegetables, fresh fruit, complex carbs such as brown rice, oats and quinoa, and a small amount of healthy fats from avocados, nuts and seeds.

Lean protein is important too, so try to eat a little protein with each meal and snack to keep blood sugar levels stable.

Avoid refined sugar, white flour products, processed foods and aim to eat as close to nature as possible.

Watch portion sizes of the denser foods and stop eating before you're really full. Drink plenty of water, get sufficient sleep and your body should soon find its own balance. Let health always be the primary focus.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend - we're both teenagers and still in school so it's not like it was meant to last but I do still like him as he's a good person - my problem is that my best friend snogged him at our Friday night disco and it really annoyed me.

When she asked me the next day if I was cool with it I said I was - but only because I think I should be ok with it.

I don't fancy him anymore but it really bothers me, the thought of them hooking up.

It's just some kind of unspoken rule isn't it that friends don't go with their friends' ex boyfriends.

I don't want to fall out with her over this but I also feel like I need to be honest with her about how I feel - keeping stuff in is not healthy.

Or is this one of those times to shut up?

I appreciate that you're young and this guy was never going to be your future husband.

But it does seem very inappropriate for your friend to be making moves on him already, and expecting you to be perfectly fine about it.

There generally is an unspoken rule amongst friends that this shouldn't happen, and it's down to respect.

Men should never get in the way of friendships. Even though you don't fancy him, it's odd for them both to be behaving like this.

If I was in your position, I would definitely say something to your friend. You don't need to get angry at her, but it's important for you to express that you're disappointed in her. There's no point pretending all is OK and lying to yourself and her.

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