Q A friend of mine has confessed to having sex with a husband of a friend of ours, and made me swear not to tell anyone. I'm in no position to tell anyone, because I've also had sex with him, something which I regret and am terrified my husband will find out about.
This man is the cheeky chap in our group of friends, and he is always flirting with everyone but because his wife is beautiful, you don't think he means it. In my case, a bit of horseplay when I was picking up my son led from one thing to another. He knew my husband was away on business. I know I can't take the high moral ground, but do you think he's working his way through all his wife's friends? I feel queasy when I see him now, but don't know if there's anything I can, or should, do.
A This sounds like an extremely awkward situation, particularly as it wasn't just a one-night stand with a stranger you would never have to see again. You will naturally find it awkward to be around this man in the future, and it's pretty sad that there has been so much cheating among a group of friends. A lot of people risk being hurt if this emerges into the open, and the whole group may be ripped apart. This man sounds like bad news, so I would advise that you do your best to avoid him altogether. I personally don't think there is anything you can do at this point, other than keep your secret to yourself and move on from the ordeal. If the subject arises again among your friends, you may want to suggest they avoid putting themselves in the position where they are tempted to sleep with this man as he seems like the type to take advantage.
Q MY boyfriend started going to the gym a few months ago, to give his fat brother some moral support. His brother had just separated from his wife, and wanted to lose weight before getting back in the game. But the result is my boyfriend has gone from being a regular guy who enjoyed a game of football and a few beers, to being totally obsessed with his weight and body shape. He has toned up a lot, but he has also become vain, and spends ages checking himself out in the mirror. He has stopped eating junk food and drinking alcohol. He has told me he finds a good work out more satisfying than sex, which might explain our lack of sex life. He also seems happiest when texting some of the guys from the gym.
A In a society where obesity and a lack of exercise are sadly commonplace, I am a big advocate of a healthy and fit lifestyle for your physical and mental health. While I would encourage your boyfriend's new found passion to a certain extent, it does sound like he has become obsessed with his fitness regime, and the feeling of the good endorphins that are released when he exercises. I would recommend for you to continue to support his interest, but gently suggest that he tries to spend more time with you and to focus more on your relationship and love life.
Q I asked a guy to my debs, as the pressure to get someone to commit is getting crucial, and I really like this guy and think he will be fun on the night. But he told me he's hoping another girl from my year will ask him, and he'd rather hold out a while longer to see if she does. But he said he'd definitely go with me if she doesn't. I think this is okay, as the boy I really wanted to ask had already been asked. So I asked a friend if he would be my back-up, as he's already in first year in college and so isn't likely to be asked by anybody else, and he agreed if I'd pay for everything on the night as there's nothing romantic between us. I said OK, but now my dad is saying he's not going to pay a guy to take me to my debs. He said I shouldn't be selling myself short with guys. How can I get him to change his mind, as I'm saving up all my money for my dress?
A I can understand the pressure that you're under to find the perfect date, the most amazing dress, and to have the best night of your life at your debs, because I went through the same thing. But I soon realised that it's just one night and there will be plenty more occasions to look forward to. I would have to agree with your dad here. Why should he have to foot the bill for a guy to be brought out for the night? I would advise that you put a little bit of gentle pressure on the first guy. If the answer is no, then I urge you to reconsider paying for the second guy to be your date and try to convince him otherwise.