herald

Sunday 17 December 2017

Coffee Morning Whispers: An old man and his cash are just waiting to be parted

Cathy Schmitz (25) and Richard (82)
Cathy Schmitz (25) and Richard (82)

It was the dying embers of January and not one of us had a penny to our name so Maggie, Josie and I donned our mittens and duffel coats and trooped around to Patsy's to share a teabag.

She opened the door wearing one of those furry hats with the flaps over the ears. She looked like Grizzly Adams mother.

"I've run out of oil but sure ye have plenty of fat on ye to keep ye warm," she guffawed.

The kitchen was like an icebox and the couple of rice cakes on a plate on the counter didn't exactly add to the cheer. I bit into one and wished I hadn't.

BLEAK

It tasted like one of my flip flops. Things were very bleak indeed.

Patsy put on the kettle and then excused herself as she had to go out to the garden to dig a hole.

"For what?" I asked.

"For the cat of course!" she replied in a tone that suggested I was as thick as a plank.

The cat diva will only do his business in the garden. Usually, he can scrape a hole for himself but, as the ground was so hard, it was proving impossible.

"Look at him with his little legs crossed. He's dying to go."

Right enough the cat seemed a tad watery about the eyes. He wasn't the only one.

Patsy went about the digging with all the finesse of a sumo wrestler. I sadly realised that watching her was going to be the height of my excitement that day. Maggie, considering our situation, was more forthcoming.

"I think one of us needs to marry a billionaire fast" she said.

We've just missed the boat in that regard as an Austrian billionaire came up for grabs recently but he's only gone and got himself hitched to former Playboy model, Cathy Schmitz.

Richard is 82 and Cathy, who is 25, insists they married for love.

Richard though has some concerns believing Cathy may be more interested in his bank balance than his personality.

LOVE

Really? I wonder what made him think that!

Anyway, Cathy insists that when she met Richard she had to choose between her career and love. So, she choose her career which is to stick with her husband, despite the 57 year age gap, and the largesse he has in the bank.

Richard agrees. "Apart from the age difference, everything fits," he said, which must be a relief for Cathy - or not as the case may be.

Patsy, job done, rejoined us over a cuppa and a rice cake.

"What were ye yakking about?" she wanted to know.

"Billionaires," sez I.

"The older the better," sez she.

Quite.

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