We've just got married and my new wife has already done a runner
I JUST got married but I have no idea what having a wife is like.
We were back from Vegas for a week and Elaine ran off for a holiday.
She's over in Spain at her best mate's wedding. Now that she's married, she's helping, or forcing, all the rest of her close friends to do the same. I didn't go to the wedding because I don't like being away from home for too long – I love Ireland too much.
And we're only back from our honeymoon two weeks. We travelled around a lot before getting married in Vegas. Our witnesses were a couple of tattoo artists – which was a bit random.
I love Vegas – I've been a good few times before and think it's an amazing town but it was Elaine's first time there. Thankfully she loved the place – it would have been a bit of a disaster if she didn't; 'Tough – we're getting married here!'
We're back a few weeks but being married hasn't really sunk in. The first week we were home I was working the whole time, and now she's off in Spain. Maybe when she gets back and we start living together as a proper married couple, I'll get an idea of what 'Married Life' is like.
I started the week doing the John Murray show with Miriam O'Callaghan. I've met Miriam a good few times before but this was the first time we've been on radio together. We were just chatting about my new Channel 4 programme Trojan Donkey. It's pretty much the same format as [PJ's RTE series] Naked Camera; a hidden camera show with lots of eccentric characters.
I've got a few new characters including a Traveller called Seanie. He's a bit 'My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding'. It's great bringing in new characters – it really keeps the series fresh and interesting.
Doing the John Murray show was gas craic. Mainly because Miriam kept calling the programme Trojan Turkey – so we all had a laugh about that. I love doing radio and would be delighted if I ever got the chance to present my own radio show.
On Tuesday I was in with Jim-Jim Nugent recording some stuff for his FM104 show Strawberry Alarm Clock. I do comedy inserts on the show once a month. He's great craic to work with; we normally chat and mess around for the first two hours. It's definitely not the most productive working relationship in the world, but we enjoy it.
In the evening I walk the dogs. I have a collie cross called Lilo, and Wendy – a weinheimer who is completely mental. I like taking them for walks but they can be trouble. This week they tore open a bag of rubbish filled with old fish heads and stank out the house – hopefully I'll have it cleaned up before my wife gets back.
I've been spending a lot of time working on my stand-up material. I took a break of a year – when I was working on TV and stuff and am getting back into it.
I'm playing the Vodafone Comedy Festival on July 26 and 27 and have been doing smaller gigs in preparation. I always think venues like The International Bar and the Ha'penny Lounge are like my gym – it's where I go to work out material and build up muscle to make sure I'm match fit for bigger gigs.
I write a lot of it but I get help from my friend Alan Doyle; he's a great sounding board and gives great advice on how to make certain jokes work and polish everything up. The Vodafone Comedy Festival is one of my favourite festivals.
A lot of the festivals have a really competitive atmosphere – it's why I'm not the biggest fan of the Edinburgh Comedy Festival – there's not that much banter. But this is definitely the most enjoyable and chilled out. Having said that, it's always scary doing stand-up.