herald

Saturday 18 August 2018

Our own Flight of the bungling bees

> YOU have to laugh. A day after they pledge allegiance to the flag of the united Fianna Fail party and it's raining ministers. Ireland is now flying like a plane with no co-pilot, without Ministers for Health, Justice, Defence, Foreign Affairs, Transport or Enterprise.

But up steps daring Joe Higgins to denounce the evil Eurocrats for landing tens of billions of euros of private bad debts on the Irish people.

European Commission president Jose Manuel Barroso almost leapt out of his suit with temper. "Let me tell you: the problems of Ireland were created by the irresponsible financial behaviour of some Irish institutions, and by the lack of supervision in the Irish market," snapped Jose, with a puss on him that would sour buttermilk -- but not answering the actual point about workers paying off private debt, you'll notice.

Yesterday morning, exhausted-sounding ex-Minister Noel Dempsey made his way to Morning Ireland, where his interview sounded unfriendly and defensive.

The resignations are being presented as a planned flight -- they only left so that the Taoiseach could reshuffle our Cabinet. But why would he need resignations to do that? And what's the point of reshuffling at this stage? Surely, with the country in such trouble, it couldn't be a cynical political exercise?

> The Irish political heritage is still strong in Boston, where a cat has been summoned for jury duty, according to Breakfast -- even though there was a letter from a vet to the judge explaining that Tabby Sal was entered on the voters' register by mistake, and was "a domestic short-haired neutered feline".

Not good enough: the judge has ordered Tabby to come into court and explain herself -- or make a 'depurrsition', as you might say.

> Nathan Howey's pub Darkey Kelly's is near the site of the Maiden Tower, which was the real Darkey Kelly's 18th century brothel in Copper Alley, Nathan told Eamon McLoughlin on No Smoke without Hellfire.

Darkey Kelly, whose real name was the beautiful Dorcas -- Greek for 'gazelle' -- was executed by throttling and burning to death. Rumour had it that she was pregnant by the terrifying Simon Luttrell (called King of Hell by the rapists of the Hellfire Club), who procured her death. But the ostensible reason for her execution was the five bodies found in her basement.

Nathan opened his pub one morning, and found dirty glasses on the tables. He rang his barman, saying: "Frank, you left the place in an awful state!" Frank said he was clearing up after midnight when he saw something out of the corner of his eye and looked up, and in the mirror he saw a woman with long black hair flit by behind him. "I ran out of it," he said.

Could it have been Dorcas, still searching for her lost baby? Or for another victim to add to her grisly cellarful?

If Dorcas did have Luttrell's child, it had a dodgy gene pool: Dorcas and the vicious Luttrells were the terror of Dublin women.

When Simon Luttrell's son Henry sued the Dublin Post for erroneously reporting him dead, the Post published a retraction -- under the headline 'Public Disappointment'.

Morning Ireland, Radio 1, weekdays Breakfast, Newstalk, weekdays No Smoke Without Hellfire, Dublin South FM, Wednesday

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