Thursday 21 March 2019

Let's see Sinead, Rachel and Georgia in a kooky reality TV mash-up

IT'S been the final haven for has-beens for more than a decade across the pond, but it seems we've finally caught up with our nearest neighbours in the reality TV stakes.

Yup, it's taken until 2012 (largely to finally stop shuddering at the memory of such sitting room atrocities as RTE's Celebrity Farm) but at last our homegrown C-listers have the opportunity to mewl and mince around some of the most tried, tested and by now quite threadbare formulas of the reality genre as they take another stab at 15 minutes of shame.

Boy, have we made up for lost time in less than one short week though, with Brian Kennedy slinging his plonk all over gossip hack Paul Martin on Celebrity Come Dine With Me mere days before Georgia Salpa tottered into the Celebrity Big Brother household to hang her pantyhose up next to those of some of the most forgettable names in EastEnders, Page Three and extended footballer family history. Clearly, shows such as BB are in their final death throes by now having become shallow parodies of themselves, which is why this column hereby lays claim to the ingenious notion of the Celebrity Reality TV Mash-Up in order to save us all from trying to club ourselves into a stupor with our remote controls.

Yes, a pinch of recent Irish celebrity reality and a simple stir could refresh flailing formats such as Come Dine With Me -- because who, after all, wouldn't be glued to an episode where Rachel Allen hauls in the still-twitching carcass of some recently shot game while Michael Madsen, he of Reservoir Dogs' fame and about the only interesting prospect in this week's Celebrity BB, dances menacingly around Brian Kennedy with cutlery in hand to the tune of Stuck in the Middle With You?

Mash it up further with a home makeover show, if you will, and, as Madsen gets stuck into the carving, you could have Rachel proffering priceless nuggets of advice, such as 'You know what this room needs? A little arterial spray ... ' as she delivers the coup de grace to the grouse. Booyakasha!

And let's have Sinead O'Connor on a special episode of Celebrity Wife Swap -- because who wouldn't pony up to hear her in her priceless patois say: 'Me come to swap me hubby'?

Yes, there's a clear niche for an Irish hybrid of these worn out, cliched TV shows with a cast of some of our kookiest stars who've been making the headlines with their real-life antics this week alone.

Meanwhile, a word to the wise, if they have to put the word 'celebrity' into the show's title, you can bet that the contestants on said show will, for the most part, be anything but ...

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