herald

Sunday 18 November 2018

American madness helps keep it light

THE banking inquiry was one of the big stories of the week. But sometimes news is one self-perpetuating pain in the backside. And sometimes it's better to put it on hold. Indeed, this is what The Right Hook did on Monday. Instead they opened up with eclectic titbits from the world's media.

The best of these were some brilliantly sourced nonsense from the preposterous Fox Network in America.

George Hook played the audio of one of their presenters who was offering spiritual advice to Tiger Woods.

"He says he is a Buddist, but I don't know if that offers the same forgiveness and redemption as the Christian belief . . .

"If Tiger were to turn to Christianity then he would be offered a better opportunity to make a full recovery."

Would his teeth recover quicker if they were Christian, too?

George laughed incredulously. "These guys on Fox, they're loony bins," he said, and just to prove it, he unearthed another gem, this time from Fox political analyst Glen Beck, who was introducing former vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin as a new member of their team.

Ms Palin believes the world is less than 10,000 years old, and was made by God. She also likes to hunt and kill innocent and endangered moose.

"You are one of the only people I know of, who could lead America out of where it is," he said to her, almost weeping.

"Unbelievable," said George.

This got him on to one of his favourite subjects -- women -- and he recounted his own meeting with an American female icon, Pamela Anderson . . .

"I wasn't thinking of where she might lead the country, but where she might lead me," he said, rather excitedly. He added: "The day I stop finding women attractive is the day you'll find George Hook in Flanagans' undertakers!"

It was then they were ready to broach the day's news.

Meanwhile, The Last Word's Matt Cooper managed to avoid a discussion on his personal preferences for the ladies, and launched into the vexed question of whether the banking inquiry should be done in public or private.

What will it actually achieve, he asked? Or worse, could the revelations that emerge from any inquiry actually further damage our international reputation and therefore our ability to borrow?

"Nothing could damage our reputation more than it already has been," said Fianna Fail's Darragh O'Brien, who wasn't keen on a public inquiry. He also made the point that those required to give evidence have "their jobs to do as well", and thus a public inquiry may make their ability to do those jobs much more difficult. However, Cooper was contemptuous of such excuses, and he sounded as if he would just love to be working as a watchdog investigator in the NY Stock Exchange and administering justice to the likes of Bernie Madoff.

His other guest, George Lee, Fianna Gael TD, was adamant that an inquiry was a good idea and that it should be public. Of course he'd say that. He's in opposition and it would also give his party a chance to give the Government a rather good kicking.

The big problem with this debate is just how much drilling equipment will the inquiry actually have? How deep will it go?

It has since transpired that the Government went for the shovel approach with its announcement of a 'behind closed doors' inquiry.

It probably won't dig too deep and what it does unearth will most likely be swept under the nearest carpet. Whereas the full drill might have uncovered more s**t than even this Government could handle.

The shovel approach has, of course, been used by our Government before when they hammered our economy into the ground . . .

The Right Hook, Newstalk 106, weekdays, 4.30pm The Last Word, Today FM, weekdays, 4.30pm

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