A 17-year-old kid from Canada would like to know how many single girls are in the house tonight.
It's too many for one man, let alone a chap whose voice has yet to break. Even the mothers in the crowd seem to have fallen for the youngster's charms. Which means there's only one thing left to do.
That's right -- pick up a guitar, strap yourself to a giant heart-shaped structure and fly on out into the audience, ensuring every single one of them gets a closer look at that big smile and those cute, adorable eyes.
Ladies and gents, welcome to the weird and wonderful world of Justin Drew Bieber, a magical land full of bright lights, cheesy pop, and deafening teenage screams. Anything can happen there, and everything pretty much has. Never Say Never, he sings, and he makes a valid point.
Who'd have thought that an internet sensation could become the biggest pop star on the planet? Or that a recording artist could become more famous for their hairstyle than the songs on their album? Think about it -- can anyone over 16 even hum a Justin Bieber song? Didn't think so. But clearly, that's not the point. Clearly, when young Bieber makes his entrance, it's not about how many of us remain dumbfounded by the guy's success or, indeed, the lack of memorable tunes in his cannon. It's about him. It's about the image.Lunatics
It's about what he can do with both while occasionally strumming a guitar and belting out a few notes. And he doesn't disappoint. It's a predictable setting -- thick smoke, futuristic imagery, colourful lasers and BANG! There he is, girls -- the boy you've all been running around like lunatics to get a glimpse of. Some nearly pass out; others hold their home-made banners high above their heads. And look at him go in his shiny outfits and killer shades.
He's miming quite a bit, mostly during the bigger numbers, but at least he's a great dancer and a cocky little showman. And is it just me, or is the place literally shaking under our feet? Yep, it's a big old-fashioned pop show, this one - about as silly (song titles include Baby, Favourite Girl, U Smile), choreographed, and bombastic as they come. But it's never, ever boring.
There's also a band in the background and some flashy dancers, but nobody cares about them. Again, all eyes are on Bieber, whose memorable drum solo scored some major points on my card.
He came, he conquered, and, well, he'll do it all over again tonight. It's a shame my hearing will never be the same again ...