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Sunday 19 August 2018

It's time for a costume change, Una, in the name of decency and your health

I WAS delighted to hear Una Healy's good news recently. That she's expecting a baby. Great news for the all-singing, all-dancing Irish girl.

She broke the news to me and my fiance Trevor when she was interviewed by Ryan Tubridy after performing with her colleagues in The Saturdays on the Late Late Show. Trevor managed to distill the happy event into one rather apt word. "Puppies".

Yep, Una is still wearing her 'regular' stage gear.

That means, she's horsed into a corset, trussed into a pair of hot pants and belted into asphyxiation, all so that she can look like the others, who aren't pregnant.

Now, that's fair enough at three months, but Una, the time is going to come very, very soon (if not already, by the sight of the amount of "puppy" on show), that you're going to have to cut yourself, and the baby in your tummy, some slack. Not simply for health reasons, but also on grounds of decency.

In my humble opinion, there's a very fine line between "hot mama" and, well, slut. And that line is drawn well before PVC, basques, fishnets and corsetry come into play.

And while Una is keeping her tummy tucked away right now, it's really not practical, nor will it be decent, for much longer.

Una, you're not the first member of a girl band to get pregnant and want to keep working away. I remember well seeing Mel B from the Spice Girls gyrate around in leopardskin with a round bump. And it's from there you should learn, Una. She looked awful.

Far better was Melanie Blatt, the pouty brunette All Saint who grooved her way through pregnancy in effortless slouchy trousers and funky, fitted tees.

There is a way to look sexy, and not ridiculous if you want to perform while pregnant. We're not in the dark ages where we want to see you dress in pinafores and then send you off to sheltered housing.

But, and call me old-fashioned here, seeing pregnant women who are all leg and breast and arm and minimal skintight clothing is just about as unappealing as seeing non-pregnant women in the same gear. It's. Just. Vile.

As is the trend for making expectant women wear skyscraper heels with oversized, ugly platforms -- as enforced on the female race by one Victoria Beckham.



Tricks

Thankfully it seems Una is ahead of the curve, because when on the Late Late Show, Tubridy asked about stage gear in the near future. She then alluded to very clever costume people and how plans were in place to accommodate her.

Well, Una, I reckon it's nearly time to see what tricks they have up their sleeves and to put them into practice.

Because if you leave it much longer, you're going to pop out of your tops, and those wide belts can't hold back the inevitable forever. Plus, surely you want to be comfortable too?

And, who knows, with a bit of smart marketing (which, let's face it, The Saturdays are all about), maybe a sideline career in slick maternity wear for young yummy mummies could become a reality.

And in the meantime girl, just keep those puppies under wraps.

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