I hate to say I told you so, Peaches love, but I knew you'd regret all that ink
WHEN I became a parent, I vowed never to say the words "I told you so" to my kids. So, I suppose saying them to someone else's kid doesn't really count.
Here we go then: Peaches love, I told you so. Last year when Miss Geldof, wayward child of our Bob, was announced as the new model for the Ultimo lingerie brand -- at a fee of £100,000- I was disgusted at the amount of ink covering her body, entirely distracting from the otherwise lovely, sexy underwear.
You literally couldn't take your eye off it.
An ugly vine, smothered in flowers and leaves, snaked its way from her ankle to left breast, joined by another on her back.
She had scrawled text on her inner arm and around her wrists. Hearts, broken and otherwise, adorned her elbows.
Something unspeakable peeked out of the top of her thong. Honestly, the satin of the expensive knickers came second place.
Well now, the 22-year-old has said that she's sorry she ever got any of them.
"I recently came to the conclusion that I regret every single tattoo I've ever had done.
"I have so many bad tattoos. Some of them I look at now and find them horrendous. If I could graft a completely new skin for myself, I would," she said in a recent interview.
Well, if her otherwise lovely, taut skin looks bad now, imagine what it's going to look like when she's Bob's age.
The vine will have overgrown itself, curled and wrinkly, and the letters of whatever wisdom she has carved into her arm will have to be stretched to be read.
The inevitable consequences of gravity don't seem to figure much in the mind of young tattooed girls.
Unfortunately, Peaches' lightbulb moment doesn't come with any personal responsibility. She blames both the tattoo shop and her father. In her defence, she was just 14 when her first 'body art' was done.
Peaches says they're like "prison tattoos" and says nobody that age should be allowed to desecrate their body in such a way. She also wishes her dad had "talked her out of it". I reckon her memory's selective on that one: he probably did, but got nowhere with the stroppy child.
Her regrets are shared by former 'Sporty' spice girl Melanie Chisholm, whose trips to the tattoo parlour amount to 10.
She has tats on her back, arms, legs and even one strung along her navel. And they're the ones we can see. It played havoc with her career.
"When I did Blood Brothers on stage I had to cover them up, which was a messy job involving acrylic paint and glue," she complains. Sounds painful.
A recent survey found that the average age for regretting teenage tattoos was 34 -- coincidentally around the same age that crows' feet and other undesirable wrinkly bits start making an appearance.
Is it time we at least put a health warning on tattoos? Currently in Ireland, a 16-year-old can get a tat -- the properly run tattoo shops ask for parental consent up to the age of 18, but there's no legislating for daft parents, unfortunately.
In the UK, Australia and many American states, you have to be an adult -- no matter what. We don't allow our kids to drink, smoke or otherwise abuse their body legally until they are 18 -- surely the same should apply to desecrating it?
Maybe Peaches, who was ultimately dropped by the lingerie company, could now front a campaign to stop kids ruining their skin permanently.
By all means let them get piercings (which can close), funny hairstyles or ridiculous make-up and clothes. They'll grow out of it. Ink is altogether another thing.