I was hoping for a return to my teenage days with some mindless action straight out of the '80s.
Well, here you get the mindless bit at least.
Sylvester Stallone lines up most of the top action heroes in the business for his team of good guy mercenaries (The A-Team with more gore, basically).
There's Stallone himself, Jason Statham as Lee Christmas; Jet Li as Yin Yang; Randy Couture as Toll Road (yes, really); Terry Crews as Hale Caesar (sweet Jesus!) and Dolph Lundgren as Gunnar Jenson.
Even by Hollywood standards it's far fetched to believe that this group -- real-life combined age of 296 -- could take out a Chinese curry, let alone a world of bad guys.
And when you throw in Mickey Rourke (real-life age of 58) as their kick-ass mentor, their world of tattoos, pool and chasing chicks seems laughable.
While the only thing expendable is a scriptwriter, director Stallone does at least provide enough thrills to satisfy the teenage boy inside all of us.
It opens with the crew of a tanker about to be executed by Somali pirates -- until the Expendables blow them into pieces -- but Jenson falls out with his comrades and leaves the group.
Next up, they're offered a lucrative near- suicide mission by a shadowy government agent (played by Bruce Willis, with Arnold Schwarzenegger showing up for a brief cameo).
They need to take out the dictator of a small island, General Garza (David Zayas), who's teamed up with a rogue CIA agent (Eric Roberts) to run drugs into America.
If you like a high-concept movie where the opposition soldiers are bad shots, necks are twisted, spines split and bodies torn, literally, apart by machine-gun fire, look no further.
But it's truly scary to think that The Expendables manages to make Rambo look like The Deer Hunter.
DVD extras: Inferno: The Making Of The Expendables; From The Ashes: Documentary; Comic-Con 2010 Panel; Deleted Scene; Gag Reel.