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Wednesday 22 November 2017

Ask Rosanna: Sexy gear gets me down

Q Should I be worried that my boyfriend still wants me to dress up in the Mrs Claus suit he got me as a joke? The hat plays havoc with my hair, and the fake fur is beginning to shed in our bed. It's not the first time he has encouraged me to dress up and play fantasy roles.

The leather vampire suit that he gave me for Hallowe'en was uncomfortable but he seemed to prefer me in it than naked, and I was presented with a Playboy bunny suit at Easter, which I did think was cute. What does he get out of these outfit changes?

A This may well be a bit of harmless fun and something to spice up your sex life, but if it's making you feel uncomfortable rather than sexy, then I advise raising your concerns with him. Why should you have to do something that you're not enjoying? I think that it's essential to speak to him and agree on something else that you both can equally enjoy.

To avoid any bitterness or conflict, it's important that you let him know what you have told me. There's nothing wrong with experimenting with your partner, but it must be something that you both enjoy. Once you come to a mutual agreement then you'll start feeling happier about getting intimate with him.

Q My husband is furious that a gorgeous lamp given to us as a wedding present by his favourite aunt got smashed to smithereens during our New Year's Eve party. It broke when the boyfriend of an old friend of mine fell over drunk and knocked it over -- otherwise it was a terrific party.

Do you think we should ask my friend's boyfriend to pay €250 to replace the lamp? I don't think so, as I feel accidents happen and that it would be horrible and also very bad manners to ask, but my husband is adamant that we're owed the money for a replacement.

A It certainly sounds like you enjoyed an eventful evening and I'm glad to hear it was nonetheless a fantastic party! Unless this guy is either extremely embarrassed or utterly unaware that he caused such damage, I'm quite surprised that he hasn't already apologised and offered to pay for destroying the lamp.

While it's certainly understandable that you do not want to cause him further anguish, I would be in agreement with your husband.

It would be good manners on this man's part to offer a replacement, or the money to pay for one. It would be perfectly reasonable for you to write a polite and fair email, or make a call to him to express how you feel and to suggest that it would be a polite gesture to repay you or replace it.

If he refuses then don't be afraid to get tough on him. You're the one who has lost out.

Q My girlfriend got me a puppy and the line which keeps going around in my head is that a dog is for life. Is this something I should be worried about, and is my girlfriend trying to tell me that she wants to be my life partner? Is the puppy some kind of test to see how I am around young defenceless creatures and whether I'll mind him well and housetrain him or if I'll lose him the first time I take him out for a walk? What do you think is going around in my girlfriend's head, and why give me a puppy for my house when she's the dog lover and I'm a cat person?

A I think you should probably stop obsessively over-analysing what's happened and simply appreciate that she considered you responsible enough to care for a small creature. It's true that a puppy is not a temporary object of entertainment. Dogs need and deserve many years of commitment, care and nearly as much attention as a small child. It's not something to be taken lightly.

Rather than complicating the matter by insisting you're a "cat person" and worrying that your girlfriend is intent on marriage, I would advise you to simply enjoy the puppy and appreciate the fact that you have been considered able to look after it.

I also recommend that you spend the time reading up on its particular breed and ensure you're giving the puppy the best possible care and attention.

Enjoy him and be thankful for your new pet.

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