How can those idiot Beckhams do this to their little boy?
WE'RE only a few days into 2011 and already I've found two strong contenders for the year's Biggest Idiot prize. Should it go to the goons in GQ magazine who inserted eight-year-old Romeo Beckham into Britain's Best Dressed Men's list?
Or should the honours rest with Romeo's witless parents, David and Victoria, for turning their innocent child into a fashion plate?
According to the mag, little Romeo is "frighteningly tuned in" to fashion. Well they got that right anyway, because it is frightening how a child so young can be coached to dress like someone 20 years older.
Pardon the generalisation, but aren't eight-year-olds generally messy dirt magnets who spill drinks down their sporty tops and tear holes in their jeans every time they fall out of a tree? I've met a few of them in my time, and sartorially speaking their biggest concern is generally the acquisition of the new season soccer strip. They're not attempting to copy daddy's dandy style by shrugging on blazers.
So what makes Romeo Beckham such a natty dresser that GQ felt compelled to elevate him to such god-like status by naming him on this list? Okay, so his style is certainly eye-catching. In recent months we've seen him in everything from skinny jeans and waistcoats to oversized tee-shirts and manly jackets.
Now I've no doubt that at eight years of age he's old enough to voice an opinion about what he wants to wear, but who's paying for it? The power ultimately rests with mum and dad who decide what they'll purchase for their son.
And given that Romeo has two of the most image-obsessed people on the planet for parents, perhaps the only surprise is that he didn't make it onto the list any sooner.
Rumours also abound that Romeo has signed a deal to create his own fashion label. But hang on, isn't there already a fashion label within the Beckham family? Sure, every kid needs a bit of career guidance, but surely, at his age, shouldn't Romeo be acting the kid instead of planning his future?
I don't even know why I'm surprised at the kid's great leap onto the fashion stage. After all, his mother is a woman so consumed by image that she hasn't stood with both feet on the ground since 1994. Even when walking off airplanes, La Beckham likes to pose like a flamingo, one knee cocked in front of her to highlight her scrawniness.
As for her other half, David is a man so devoid of wit that he allowed his wife to dress him in a skirt. When you look at it that way, poor Romeo never stood a chance. But then I might have expected such a popular magazine as GQ to show a little more restraint when it comes to fawning over the sartorial choices of a child.
The publication even went so far as to name him their Celebrity Of The Future. Now there's a weight to hang on young shoulders. What if Romeo never does anything in life to earn the celebrity tag?
Okay, so at least his parents rose to prominence for something other than reality TV, David for his soccer skills and Victoria for her, ahem, singing and pouting brilliance. But does nature dictate that the offspring of celebrity must also embrace celebrity?
What if Romeo decides he wants to be an architect? Or a teacher?
Still, perhaps that conundrum will never arise because Romeo's path appears to be firmly marked out for him. And he has his parents -- and a certain magazine -- to blame.