New Everton midfielder Leroy Fer, signed from Twente for £8.6 million, has a chequered past suggesting he'll be well at home among the pampered loons of the Premier League. Last year, the Dutch international splashed out £22,000 on a horse for his girlfriend ... only to realise that she couldn't keep her new pet because of one minor detail. She lived in a block of flats.
Clearly, she has never seen that charming Irish flick from the early '90s, Into The West.
On a more serious note, we're deeply concerned about the fate of her abandoned equine friend.
Minister Coveney, you have been duly alerted.